-          When I heard about the Mulder trade, I put my fist in a wall.  When I heard about the Haren trade, I ran a school bus full of orphans off a cliffside road. When I heard about the Swisher trade, I halted AIDS research and declared war on several small, indefensible countries.  But when I heard about the Harden trade, I merely set fire to a weeping willow and punched a nun in the gut.  So it’s nice to know the trend is slowly reversing.

-         Thing That I Expected to Hear in Billy’s Pre-Game Interview on Tuesday But Unfortunately Did Not #1 – “Have you seen Harden’s arm?  It’s falling off!  And I mean that.  Two wispy fragments of blood-encrusted tendon are literally all that’s keeping his right arm attached to his shoulder.  I was kind of surprised the Cubs didn’t ask for a physical or something, but hey – caveat emptor.”

-          Has it occurred to anyone that maybe Eric Patterson is an extraordinarily good, supernally talented even, left wing, or striker, or goalie or something?  Boy, that’d make us all feel pretty dumb.

-         Thing That I Expected to Hear in Billy’s Pre-Game Interview on Tuesday But Unfortunately Did Not #2 – “Stars?!!  Who needs stars?!!  I’m the only star this team needs!! Me!!  Me!!! MEEEEE!!!!!!!!(crashing sounds as Billy chugs straight from a bottle of Johnnie Walker before breaking it over Ray Fosse’s head)”

-         Hey, more weak-hitting outfielders . . .  awesome.

-         Thing That I Did Not Expect to Hear in Billy’s Pre-Game Interview on Tuesday But Unfortunately Did #1 – “We needed to be younger.”  (And yes, this was the 2008 Oakland Athletics he was talking about.  And yes, Huston Streetwill be traded for two infants and a fetus with a surprisingly high OBP sometime in the next week.)

-      Thing That I Did Not Expect to Hear in Billy’s Pre-Game Interview on Tuesday But Unfortunately Did #2 – “Jemile Weeks reminds me a lot of a young Ray Durham.”  (While I am not the general manager of a major league baseball team and lack many of the skills and abilities that would be required of such a position, I feel that I know enough to distinguish between things that will comfort one’s fanbase the day of a potentially-devastating trade and things that will not.  This, Mr. Beane, will not.)

-          Hey, Dallas Braden . . . awesome.

-          If you’re feeling down about this trade, and perhaps wondering if there can be anyone who suffers as you do, just think of poor Joe Blanton, who has been hiding in a supply closet somewhere in the locker room area since the seventh inning of Wednesday’s game.  (He’s hoping Billy will forget he’s there.)

-          Thing That I Expected to Hear in Billy’s Pre-Game Interview on Tuesday But Unfortunately Did Not #3 – “Sure, Harden’s great, but Sean Gallagher may just be Roger Clemens, Bob Gibson and Cy Young rolled into one.  Plus Winston Churchill.  And Gandhi.  With a little Han Solo thrown into the mix.”

-          I would have felt much better about this trade had I not seen Jim Hendry and Lou Piniella on ESPN pouring champagne over themselves while running bare-chested through the streets of Chicago screaming “Wooooooo!!!!!!!!” some three and a half minutes after the trade was announced.  It just gave me a bad feeling.

-          Thing That I Expected to Hear in Billy’s Pre-Game Interview on Tuesday But Unfortunately Did Not #4 – Virtually anything that would have satisfactorily explained to me why he was willing to give away the most dominant Oakland pitcher of my lifetime for $23.50 and some Pop Rocks.                                                                  

-          Did I just write 600 words about this trade without mentioning Chad Gaudin once? Yes.  Yes I did.