It's that time of the month again. No, not that that time... it's this that time! With a poll about how friendly we are, or aren't.

Solo Shots

jonahbartlett: If the A's were a band... Mark Ellis and the Erroneous Eight?

(after the Hurt triple)
ohtobe21likehuston: Frank doing the Night Ranger... YOU'RE MOTORIN'

monkeyball: uh-oh... I just talked with the A's ticket office. They said Jack Cust is fielding all $4 ticket requests.

butler19: He is like Lincecum with good teeth and bad pitches

theblackpearl: The whole team is automatic, not a stick to be found

xbhaskarx: when frank thomas is removed from the basepaths on a fielders choice, is that considered a "productive out"?

pam5981: Bobby and home plate have had a falling out. They're just not close anymore.

doctorK: "NASA prepares for the Seven Minutes of Terror." When I saw the headline, I thought they were talking about a Huston Street appearance.

thejd44: Indians playing a "no doubles defense," which is just unnecessary with the A's "no doubles (or home runs) offense"

iglew: Pythagorean triple = Hit the ball, run to 1st, continue to 2nd, then cut back straight across the pitcher's mound to home.

(re: PaulThomas' sigline "Your 2008 Athletics: It's Nothing Personal")
FreeSeatUpgrade: if the offensive malaise worsens, you could change your sig line without missing a beat:
Your 2008 Athletics: Its Nothing Personnel

monkeyball: next in my sigline file: "I don't know where Osama Bin Laden is. But I know where the A's are."

theblackpearl: I don't want to step back from the ledge. I like to hear the echo.

Nico: Customer #7, please report to the "YOU ARE PWNED BY GREG SMITH" pavillion!

Kyli: If candy and lollipops and steel pipes were fused into some sort of awesome person, it would be Frank Thomas.

sprtsnwyn: John Donaldson? Or Old Dan Johnson?

IowaA'sFan: Hitchhiker's Guide entry - "Oakland Athletics: Mostly harmless."

(re: CSN bunny Jaymee Sire)
149: I'm sure she's very nice and knows something about something, just not baseball.

xbhaskarx: "Once you open that replay box, where do you stop?" Enron.

Nico: Zonis, you need to advocate cutting either Hannahan or Cust. I feel that any fanpost on rosterbation needs to include a Jack off.

grover: You wouldn’t recognize the facts about Blanton if they had his body mass and gave you a lap dance.

Double Plays

0akFoSho: OMG I am missing Ugly Betty!! Nooooooooo!!
rightbackin: is "Ugly Defense" not cutting it?

Donner: Framed by the catcher.
Flashfire: Dastardly. I hope he doesn't go to prison for it.

baseb3383: Headline: AN wills Cust to hit HR
Hot Cup Joe: if by will, you mean torches and pitchforks

(after bad defensive inning by both Cust & Hannahan)
justarebelheart: so i'm never naming my son jack, it's bad
iglew: Don't name him John Joseph, either.

Englishmajor: We've never had anyone liveblog a tornado in a game thread before. Go to the basement!
IowaA'sFan: I'm always in the basement! Duh. This is a BLOG, remember?

Imaseasonticketholder: Forget about the chaw.... what about his constantly manipulating his junk? There should be a drinking game attached to it.
TheDogfather: I think that would really hurt, depending on the means of attachment.

Nick: Ump is calling high curve balls for strikes.
monkeyball: Quick, get Zito in there!

paradox: Korach and Fosse sound strained
Nico: They're day-to-day

Joey C.: Must... resist... urge... to make smartass remark... about Emil's catch in LF...
LoneStranger: I would, but I can't type because of the LIGHTS!

monkeyball: What a coincidence! In high school, I played lead tambourine for Enraged Stupor, and I often sat in on vibraphone for my buddies in Decomposing Squirrel Remains.
green star oakland: I've often been described as the 5th Decomposing Squirrel Remain

ohtobe21likehuston: You need to spend less time in the hyperbolic chamber.
Nico: What is that, like, the 7,000,000th time you've posted that? It has literally ruined my entire life.

Nick: I see that Duke is still the Man in Black
FreeSeatUpgrade: He K'd a man in Oakland / Just to watch him cry.

Zonis: Trivia Question: Who was the last pitcher to throw a No-Hitter against the RedSox?
chipper1001: the dos equis guy?

(re: the wife wanting to talk during a game)
dathirdeck: I have no idea what she wants... All I heard was blah blah blah...
thejd44: You married Charlie Brown's teacher?

Jennifer: Dude. F--- AN 3.
andeux: Is that why they call it a FANpost?

alox: Scouting the Scouts now are we? Joe Morgan does not approve.
oblique: I never metascout I didn't like...

(on diary by Jennifer as she waited for her flight to Texas)
FreeSeatUpgrade: So wait...you posted this on the KCI airport Wi-Fi and included the words "bomb threat?" I see a secondary security screening in your future.
monkeyball: Homeland Security Threat Level: GLITTER

Zonis: Has that ever happened before?
louismg: Yes. Everything that has happened or will ever happen has happened before. Might as well stop watching.

(after a bad-called strike 3 on Barton)
MrIncognito: pitch f/x had it right on the black, FWIW
baseb3383: I didn't realize the right handed batter's box was black

athleticsBB4life: Canseco to fight ex-NFL Pro Bowler for $5K
oaklandSMASH: Who is the Pro Bowler? Please let it be Romanowski, please let it be Romanowski...

paradox: god damn it! This team bunts like I date Alicia Silverstone! In my dreams!
schmifty: are your dreams stuck in 1996?

Kyli: Mmm. Puppy waffles.
monkeyball: {puppy waffles} / {Blez decides not to press the issue b/c puppy wouldn’t answer fully anyway}

Zonis: How many pitches has Brown seen tonight?
Nick: Depends on whether he hits with his eyes open

Bench-Clearing Melees

Nick: Hey everybody! I can'
Nick: Okay, my return key completely killed that joke D.E.A.D.
Jennifer: ... 't finish this subject?
Nick: God, it's so dead that explaining it will just make it worse. And now I'm making it worse by explaining that. AN 3.0 can kiss salb's ass.

Zonis: GIDP Requested
Nico: Request denied, but pop-up accepted in settlement
OaklandSi: popups enabled in the preferences

WaddellCanseco: He's an A's pitcher... Symptoms include elbow inflammation.
jpl: Symptoms may also include severe headaches and nausea
monkeyball: If Geren leaves you in for longer than 4 hours, consult your doctor

Nico: No offense, but... No offense.
IowaA'sFan: What do you mean? I was deeply offended by that inning.
doctorK: Everyone should be offended by a KKK inning.
FreeSeatUpgrade: Just so long as Zonis doesn't put on his wizard hat

(after the end-of-month kRaZeE KaLLuP MaNiA!)
Kyli: That's it, someone get Billy Beane on the phone. And check if he sounds hungover…
monkeyball: "I called up who?!? Ohhhh, my head …"
theblackpearl: Hey Billy, Bob Geren called, and asked why is Shane Keough the starting CF

mikeA: I would have like to see Ponson vs. Ruth
laxtonto: In a hotdog eating conest?
mikeA: or a drinking contest, or a barfight, or a murdering a partygirl contest…

What the hell does "LS" stand for, anyway? LOTSA STUFF!

Purely Selfish Inclusion
(because, looking even younger than he actually is, Ryan has always been and will always be Baby Sweeney to me)

pam5981: Nice catch Baby Sweeney!
paradox: Baby Sweeney is better than Swooney

WB!OTM (Welcome Back! o' the month)

Sharon!

WB!OTM 1st runner-up

AN Search Function! (Although, technically, this shouldn't be a "welcome back," because this Search Function is super-hawt in ways the old search function could never even pretend to be...)

WB!OTM 2nd runner-up

ANtics!

Elsewhere-in-SBNation-OTM

LetsGoTribe's Eric Wedge/Casey Blake PhotoShop Thread

Something that's really not funny, but, I'm sorry to say, made me laugh anyway because I read a week's worth of game threads from about midnight to 2:30 a.m., and there's a kind of surreal flow to AN when you take too much of it at once...

pam5981
May 28, 2008, 8:12 p.m.: Can soy sauce go bad?
May 29, 2008, 3:37 p.m.: Had to go home sick today.

(I really am sorry, Pam. I hope you feel better...)

And I'll wrap up with the PhotoShopOTM, thanks to thejd44... Rich Harden's chinferret!