FanPost

DLD 10/25/08-next time someone makes a DLD: Wherein I Rank the 50 States

Because I like lists

1. California
-Bay Area is the best place in the country
-LA and San Diego are also among the nation's 10 best cities
-Tectonic plates will cast Orange County out to sea in due course
2. Oregon
-Portland is America's most beautiful city, populated by top flight people
-#1 in the nation on a metric I shall not mention
3. Washington
-Seattle is America's second most beautiful city, populated by even more flight people
4. Alaska
-I am fascinated by the far north
-wacky doings...
5. New Hampshire
-I love the forests up there
6. Vermont
-I love the forests up there
7. Nevada
-Beautiful, great weather
-Laudable disdain for gossip
8. Minnesota
-Of the four regions of the country, the midwest has the best people
-lakes
9. Montana
-Glacier is the best national park
-Missoula is excellent
-nickname, "the treasure state" is nation's best nickname
-the sky really does appear exceptionally large there
10. Illinois
-Chicago is a great city
-rest of the state not so good
11. Hawaii
-rebounded nicely from a crime wave in the 80s
12. Idaho
-Beautiful scenery, potatoes, people who look down on Ron Paul supporters as too moderate and pro-government
13. Michigan
-Tiger Stadium was great. The Tigers also feature mlb's #2 cap.
14. Colorado
-mountains are nice
15. Pennsylvania
-I miss Macha
16. Wyoming
-Signs there say "many visitors gored by buffalo"
17. Iowa
-not as nice as Oakland
18. Missouri
-Ex gf of mine went to wustle; "wustle" is my favorite word to say out loud. wustle.
19. Wisconsin
-Lots of box factories, I would imagine
20. Maine
-overrated
21. Utah
-Have you seen that huge arch? It's fucking huge! Amazing!
22. New York
-Calm down, people. Christ.
23. Texas
-Austin is a top 5 city
-Houston is hellish buggy swamp where heroism is synonymous with bug-killing capability
-I heard a good joke about the Alamo once, but have since forgotten it
-I like Stevie Ray Vaughn
24. North Carolina
-Bull Durham is overrated
-Coach K's credit card ads are really obnoxious
25. Rhode Island
-Lincoln Chafee was a pretty comical figure
26. New Mexico
-Not enough clouds
-Will kill us all some day
27. Connecticut
-"Hartford Whalers" was a good name for a team
-Not much else good about this state
28. Indiana
-Hoosiers is the best sports movie
-"Hoosier" is a good thing to call oneself
-Speaking of "Hoosiers", I was pretty surprised to find out that Dennis Hopper is a republican
29. South Dakota
-Better than North Dakota 'cuz it has some hills
30. Virginia
-I watched a good documtary about O. North once
-Lots of history
31. Massachussetts
-ha ha, fuck you
32. Louisiana
-New Orleans is a good city
-nevertheless, a hellish swamp
33. North Dakota
-pretty bleak
-But I know some great people from there
34. Georgia
-Did you know Anderson Cooper's show is 2 hours long now? Dear God.
-Features world's largest electronic map
-"Captital Gang" was a fun show
35. Tennessee
-Robert Altman is overrated
-Plenty of good music from Nashville and Memphis, though
36. Arkansas
-Run tourism ads for some reason
37. Maryland
-Not a good state
38. South Carolina
-Charleston is pretty charming
39. New Jersey
-stfu
40. Ohio
-Drew Carey should be in jail
-WKRP is good, though
41. Delaware
-Ought to be "crossed" off the list of states
42. West Virginia
-Attractive landscape
-Jokes/stereoptypes are all true
43. Kansas
-Edges out Nebraska due to fun history
44. Nebraska
-ugly
-I don't like corn. It's too sweet.
-Should have maintained distinctive option-based offense
-fellow-traveling Fremontists
45. Kentucky
-There is a giant bat statue in Louisville which is pretty awesome
-Joe Saunders not as ugly as Lackey, but still ugly
46. Arizona
-The sun is an enemy that must be defeated
-Way too hot
-There is nothing good about Arizona
47. Florida
-Horrific weather
-Ridiculous culture
-Loveline was a great show
48. Oklahoma
-Seriously? The OKC "Thunder"? Come on.
-State heroes are people who stole shitty land from Native Americans
-Native Americans only there in the first place because they were forced into the shittiest part of the country
-According to an article I read once, there are 0 eligible bachelors in Oklahoma
49. Alabama
-Neil Young got it right
50. Mississippi
-I would feel pretty rebellious if I lived there

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