An Inconvenient (Lack Of) Truth
by Nico on Jan 18, 2008 7:53 AM PST
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PrintIt’s that special time of year, folks: It’s semester report-card time, where teachers all across the country – from Inflation Valley to Mount Euphemism – must write grades and comments for their group of above-average students who never fail because they are simply “emerging,” and who never misbehave because they are simply “struggling to find more productive ways to channel their energy.” More productive, say, than whacking little Susie with a baseball bat is proving to be (hey, at least he made contact).
I need to practice for my marathon of report-card writing this holiday weekend, so please indulge me as I give my grades to our beloved Oakland A Plusses:
Bobby Crosby: A++
Bobby continues to learn how to manage his own personal space, recently keeping much better distance from his neighbor Mark, as well as from home plate. The number of absences continues to be a concern but tardiness has not been a problem except for on fastballs.
Rich Harden: A+++
In a culture rife with impulsivity, it is refreshing to see a player like Rich who approaches throwing a baseball with such caution, restraint, and self-control. There is no doubt about this young man’s ability and we really missed him the last 93% of the term.
Santiago Casilla: A+
Santiago is still in the process of trying to figure out who he is; this, and a wild streak that is age-appropriate but disruptive, explain his low grade.
Donnie Murphy: A++++
Donnie has really thrived in our Special Ed program. Even though he is regularly beaten up by righties, which constitute most of the population, he has found a niche where he can be fully average. He also has such a cute little boy’s name that you just can’t help but give him high marks no matter what his performance may suggest.
Colby Lewis: B-
C’mon dude. Seriously.
Woah, gotta go – Johnny just, er, “expressed his individuality” on one of the potted plants. Maybe you want to add some more reports to save me some time?
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Jack Cust........A-
We're concerned about his quick ascent from nowhere...well...is he cheating? A US Senator who heard from someone else is concerned. We're not labeling, but we just want to get the facts. A closer eye on the aforementioned student (read: parent better you idiot!) would really help rest any fears or allegations.
This be easier with recent ex-A's
think about it...
Loaiza...lackluster performance and drinking
Swisher...ADHD concerns
Haren...personal hygeine (hair/shaving)
Bradley...temper tantrums
Kielty...ibid Swisher
Kotsay...sick all the time
Kendall...Napolean complex...likes to bully
Zito...excueses and lying
Mulder...tries to hard to win over the girls
Huddy...on the first day of class he buzzed a crayon past my head and said, "Welcome to my league mother f^cker."
Joe Blanton................ B+
Somehow effective despite chronic eating...he brings a stacked lunch filled with ho-ho's and twinkies and then tries to get the "free lunch" for the kids who can't afford to eat.
slightly off topic...but one could almost build
an A's All-Roids team based on some admitted/speculated data:
OF - Canseco, Cust, Guillen (Cust is weak...but he was named). Reserve: Je. Giambi.
3B - FP Santangelo (admitted it like a man, but Chavvy's been clean...although he is injured with weird pulls/strains).
SS - Tejada
2B - Randy Velarde
1B - McGwire
P - ?
C - none...speculation includes Piazza, Damian Miller, and Michael Barrett...although Barrett was on the team for a few weeks in the offseason and doesn't really count. What catcher would want to use roids and deal with knee problems?
DH - Giambi...oh yeah...the vague apology...what a tough guy.
Hmmm...how did the A's management escape the lambasting that the Giants are getting? Of course the evidence Conte provided was damning (did anyone notice the Giants drafted Conte's son - a crappy 2nd-string catcher at St. Mary's as "token of appreciation"). BB played with or oversaw with every player linked with recent roids in baseball. And he didn't know about it at all? And how about MLB police chief Alderson?
I hate to say it...but has anything been linked with Kennnedy's heart conditions and taking typical athlete "supplements" that are so prevalent? Maybe not roids (on the other hand, it can't be excluded) but maybe ephedra or "greenies."
BB
Yeah, I really doubt that he was in the dark about the steroid use within the organization. I think he probably turned a blind eye to it for as long as he could. Of course, I also think you can say that about just about everyone with every team in baseball.
Canseco could pitch
but then you'd need to run Mini-G out there for the entirety of the following season.
Kiko Calero: A+-
Would have been an A+, maybe A++, but Kiko refuses to try new things. To try to teach him new approaches I was going to take away his slider for a week, but it turned out he'd already lost it.
by FreeSeatUpgrade on Jan 18, 2008 9:08 AM PST reply actions
title?
Nico, are you trying to imply that, despite Beane's stockpiling of young pitching, global arming is a myth?
Haren, Swisher, Kotsay, Scutaro: Incompletes
Harden
What's the story with Rich Harden. Is he expected to be in the rotation by opening day, if not a best guess when.
vr, Xei
by xeifrank @ Athletics Nation on Jan 18, 2008 11:05 AM PST reply actions
I haven't heard the A's mention Harden
for weeks, even when discussion Opening Day starters, rotations, etc. Maybe he dropped the class.
Harden = Deng Xiaopeng
When the Chinese government announced Deng's death, weren't there rumors that he had actually died like 10 years earlier?
Harden's been dead for 10 years already?
Wow.
Urban's latest Mailbag
"Harden is in Phoenix, throwing with new bullpen coach Ron Romanick four times a week, and manager Bob Geren said the reports he's getting have been good. Geren also suggested very strongly -- without actually using the words -- that Harden and Blanton are, indeed, penciled in as the starting pitchers for the games against Boston in Japan. Penciled being the key word, obviously."
Of course, isn't this what they always say about Harden?
yep, very familiar
words or praise for Harden, when he is in the perpetual getting ready to play sometime in the future mode.
Who knows?
I mean, the exact two-week period in which people will be able to hope irrationally that Harden will actually pitch baseballs for Oakland in 2008 doesn't really matter, does it?
Harden pitches for around 2 weeks (2 starts)
before pulling a muscle, and then people start irrationally hoping for 5 months waiting for his next appearence (but I see what you're saying).
And actually, the way Billy's constructed this team, the Harden wait is going to be the most interesting/entertaining part of the season.
No doubt - the unlikely,
Harden somehow being and staying healthy, is the one thing that could turn 2008 into a potentially competitive year.
Harden, Blanton, Gaudin, Duchscherer, Eveland/Meyer? I'm not conceding anything quite yet with that rotation.
Eric Chavez A-
Popular kid that everyone loves. Extremely talented and easy going but works too hard! We really think he should take more time off from his studies when he is tired so that he doesn't end up burning out and wasting the entire semester.
Bob Geren B+
If Bob spent as much time working as he does trying to be popular he'd be at the head of the class.
Nice! Two excellent reports -
You either are a school teacher, or should be.
So you ARE a teacher, then.
Great post, Nico
I've been a bit critical of AN in the various meta-blog introspection threads, so it's good for me to say so when I do like a post ... and I loved this one.
Gracias - kind words are always appreciated
to help defray the barrage of criticism that comes with writing drivel in a public forum. :-)
All the Athletics are above average
Garrison Keillor
called his novel about the Athletics "Lake Wobegon A's."
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