Finally ran out of luck
They'll go under the knife
Get on with their life
And hopefully next year won't suck

Declared the A's very own Kaiser
"I am indeed the surpriser.
Making roster moves curious,
For reasons most spurious,
Will leave the fans none the Loaizer."

Was considered, by many, a prize-a
A’s let him, for free, go
But, according to Ni, co
We’ll get kids, and no one will be wize-a.  

Through hurts that would have others cryin’
They’ve tried yoga, and ointments
Thumb guards and appointments
But have they tried giving fuck lions?  

Like men who are drawn to their rackage.
When asked who’s elite,
They all scream Huston Street!
Pants so tight there’s no room for his sackage.    

When Huston comes in the girls holler,
And he recently looked worth the dollar.
Then he pitched like a gomer--
Gave up many a homer,
His pants weren’t as tight as his collar.  

Whose swing was too long to abort
Feed him a slider?
Presto!  He's a diver
I hope he has found a new sport.

A slugger some thought was a bust.
But in the outfield,
A flaw's been revealed.
His glove’s got big holes and some rust.

His glove, and clutch bat have been handy.
The original "Scooter"
May have been Phil Rizzuter--
But he was not called "Italian Man Candy."

doth start with an eight-grader and a can.
Prostrate in the grass
in gear, he got his ass;
Right his errors and be redeemed can a man.

and not by me, but it's so good I repeat it at any opportunity:

Beane's outfield was so bad he felt he
Should make it less Lucy Van Pelty,
While JP's poor mound
Was too Charlie Browned:
And thus was born Lilly-for-Kielty.