Pirates, Sharks, and Paris Hilton: today's DLD (6/9/2007)

by senork on Jun 9, 2007 2:53 AM PDT

It's late, I'm bored, let's rock.

Paris Hilton ordered back to jail, starts crying. The American justice system prevails, defense attorneys everywhere start weeping, too. Even George Michael got off easier.

Space shuttle Atlantis launches from Cape Canaveral. Mission to Jupiter expected to be a big success. In an unrelated event, a large black stone is found on the Moon.

Little pirate's birthday ruined. All he wanted was to strike fear into the hearts of his suburban neighbors, city council says he needs a permit.

Migraine medication turns Canadians into Vulcans.

And now on to baseball:

Milton Bradley back on the DL, doctors order him to wear a hockey helmet and roller skating pads at all times.

Larry Davis works his magic on the Giants, A's win in 10. Lou Seal was reported to be in the Giants' dugout warming up his bat. Crazy Crab put on the 15-day DL.

Beckett gets to 9-0. Eric Byrnes gets an Eric Byrnes hat-trick, with a hit, a strikeout, and an error.

Soriano hits three homers (in the same game).

And to those other sports:

Roger Federer to face Rafael Nadal in French Open finals. Nadal has never lost in le Stade de Roland Garros. Both of them need haircuts.

And just because you may have been expecting something even remotely resembling humor in here:

Poll

Would you like to see more DLDs from me?

I can't think of anything that I would hate more.

15 votes

No.

7 votes

Good lord, no.

12 votes

34 votes | Poll has closed

Tweet Comment 36 comments | 0 recs |

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Read More: flying sharks, milton bradley, pirates

Comments

Excellent DLD, senork!

More, please.

"Pennies are the dandruff of our financial system." -Dennis Miller

by ptbarnum on Jun 9, 2007 7:48 AM PDT reply actions

Flying Shark Defense...

I really wouldn't be too terribly scared of flying sharks, because their body mass would be too large for evasive movements.

Admittedly, humans would have to be armed and ready to fight sharks at all times, but if a shark came at you like a Little League fastball, you could kill it with one blow from a Louisville Slugger...

Or, you could just carry a .50 caliber hunting pistol like that kid who killed the wild boar...

"Statistical idiocy is the assertion that nothing is real except that which is measured in the statistics."- Bill James

by The Pilots Dared Me To Die on Jun 9, 2007 8:48 AM PDT reply actions

FLYING SHARKS?!

by Zonis on Jun 9, 2007 9:35 AM PDT reply actions

Nice job!

the WLD is the most underrated commodity on AN.

death to myspace!

by malikot on Jun 9, 2007 9:40 AM PDT reply actions

speaking of underrated

the A's drafted in the late rounds a catcher who looks like he is 26 or older. I think his name was Johnathan Johnston or something.

Was he a favor-pick?

by Zonis on Jun 9, 2007 9:46 AM PDT up reply actions

Lou Seal?

Was at the game last night, and I saw the latest incarnation of the Giant's mascot. What the hell is that thing supposed to be? It looks like the unholy product of a night of passion between a sewer rat and a creamsicle!

Seriously, the thing is fluorescent orange. All of it.

by RickeySteals on Jun 9, 2007 9:45 AM PDT reply actions

Our game thread speculation

was that this was a special Friday version of the seal costume the Giants have broken out, to fit with their Orange Friday's theme, wherein they ask the entire audience to dress up as the unholy products of a night of passion between a sewer rat and a creamsicle. Which when you think of it isn't that much of a reach.

Watt Funk Staturist

by FreeSeatUpgrade on Jun 9, 2007 10:17 AM PDT up reply actions

Bring back Crazy Crab!

He was the coolest mascot ever.

He DARED fans to show up to the park.

If that is not the punk rockest thing ever, I don't know what is.

"Statistical idiocy is the assertion that nothing is real except that which is measured in the statistics."- Bill James

by The Pilots Dared Me To Die on Jun 9, 2007 3:19 PM PDT up reply actions

Sadly

Crazy Crab is exactly the kind of thing we are least likely to see given baseball's increasing emphasis of corporate efficiency over actual fun. I miss Crazy Crab, he is a symbol of how fun things used to be.

I'd like to eat my lunch, but Billy just kicked me out of my office.

by BlameChannel53 on Jun 10, 2007 9:03 AM PDT up reply actions

I missed the game thread

but, speaking of the Seal, I have to say that the PCL's team nicknames kicked ass:

The Oakland Oaks
The SF Seals
The Mission Reds
The Sacramento Solons (how could you choose Rivercats over Solons?)
The Seattle Rainiers
The Portland Trappers (?IIRC, I'm doing this from memory)
The LA Angels (not of Anaheim)
The San Diego Padres

This is from memory, so I might be forgetting a name or getting some wrong, but that league knew how to name a team.

"And Julio Franco is batting right-handed!" -- Wayne Hagin, A's radio play-by-play, mid-80s

by Nick on Jun 9, 2007 6:01 PM PDT up reply actions

PCL, baby!

Don't forget the Hollywood Stars!

The Vernon Tigers were there for a while.

Are the Mission Reds the same franchise as the San Francisco Missions?

Plus, the Sacramento Solons were called the Senators for a long while. They won the 1942 PCL championship behind Paul Bowa, Larry's dad.

"Statistical idiocy is the assertion that nothing is real except that which is measured in the statistics."- Bill James

by The Pilots Dared Me To Die on Jun 10, 2007 2:11 AM PDT up reply actions

sulfhaemoglobinaemia

(Kid sweats, fidgets, asks for word to be used in sentence, and wishes he'd gotten psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop instead).

A fine link dump! The poll option I wanted was missing.

Watt Funk Staturist

by FreeSeatUpgrade on Jun 9, 2007 10:14 AM PDT reply actions

does it need

a fire larry davis out of a cannon now option?

death to myspace!

by malikot on Jun 9, 2007 10:50 AM PDT up reply actions

Health revival at the river ...

Bradley, man you've got to take a dip into the water ... Harden boy you too may take a dip into the water.

"WTF is wrong with you people TASTELESS COMMENTS. I'm disgusted. Mocking a 10 year old's horrible painful death." --eshock

by rubin sierra on Jun 9, 2007 11:56 AM PDT up reply actions

Praise Jeebus!

Get thee sinners into the healing waters of the canal outside the Coliseum, where Gawd's own radioactivity will revitalize those tired bones and stretch out those tight muscles...

Praise Jeebus!

"Statistical idiocy is the assertion that nothing is real except that which is measured in the statistics."- Bill James

by The Pilots Dared Me To Die on Jun 9, 2007 3:21 PM PDT up reply actions

The Poll option I was looking for

was "Fire senork now!" It would have been as appropriate as the other options.

by guapobob on Jun 9, 2007 12:38 PM PDT up reply actions

Tractor production up 14.23%, potato yield robust

Today's medical disinformation report:

Rich Harden and Huston Street took steps forward in their rehabilitation Friday.
Harden threw 65 pitches, including 15 from 60 feet from the flat area in front of the mound.
Street played catch for the second day in a row, finished without pain and said he's hopeful he could be back by the All-Star break, which is one month away.
"We're headed in the right direction," Street said.

BTW, has anyone else noticed that Slusser's been taking a lot of days off the A's beat over the last month or so? I hope that's just routine scheduling stuff. She's the best reporter covering the A's anywhere, by a lot.

Watt Funk Staturist

by FreeSeatUpgrade on Jun 9, 2007 11:15 AM PDT reply actions

"Five for the years of the five-year plan,

And four for the years it's taken".

by green star oakland on Jun 9, 2007 12:00 PM PDT up reply actions

isn't she also the only reporter covering the a's

A's v Giants "is kind of like the difference between going to see the Ramones and going to see the Bee Gees. A's fans will go see the Ramones." -BB 07/27/05

by xbhaskarx on Jun 9, 2007 12:29 PM PDT up reply actions

Slusser...

is day-to-day with a strained oblique that she got stretching her pinky to type a capital "P" on her laptop...

"Statistical idiocy is the assertion that nothing is real except that which is measured in the statistics."- Bill James

by The Pilots Dared Me To Die on Jun 9, 2007 3:22 PM PDT up reply actions

Your poll options

are like buying popcorn at the movie theater.

-Large
-Huge
-Ginormous

See the latest dumbass thing I've done -- camUra

by hunter on Jun 9, 2007 11:31 AM PDT reply actions

I always complain.

This isn't large popcorn! It's regular-sized popcorn in a large tub!

I want giant pieces of popcorn, dammit!

The Kendall Shift: 6 infielders and 2 catchers.

by Ozzz on Jun 9, 2007 12:59 PM PDT up reply actions

do they grow giant corn

up there in Canada?

"Statistical idiocy is the assertion that nothing is real except that which is measured in the statistics."- Bill James

by The Pilots Dared Me To Die on Jun 9, 2007 3:23 PM PDT up reply actions

Biggest stalk you've ever seen!

The Kendall Shift: 6 infielders and 2 catchers.

by Ozzz on Jun 11, 2007 10:19 AM PDT up reply actions

Clemens debut

As I wite this, he's pitched 6 innings, given up 3 runs on 5 hits and 2 walks, with 7 Ks. The Yanks lead Pittsburgh 4-3. Clemens is still in as NY bats in the 7th, but with 107 pitches thrown I assume he's done.

Watt Funk Staturist

by FreeSeatUpgrade on Jun 9, 2007 12:06 PM PDT reply actions

... and on the offensive side

(as though everything about the Yankees were not offensive) they've just executed two double steals in the same inning !

by green star oakland on Jun 9, 2007 12:22 PM PDT up reply actions

I've seen worse DLD's

The Flying Shark picture made me smile.

Yep. Warm and fuzzy... that's me.

by grover on Jun 10, 2007 3:58 AM PDT reply actions

commuter, who is this idiotic individual

writing on the sfgate a's blog as "the sporting green"?

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfga...

A's v Giants "is kind of like the difference between going to see the Ramones and going to see the Bee Gees. A's fans will go see the Ramones." -BB 07/27/05

by xbhaskarx on Jun 10, 2007 11:33 AM PDT reply actions

wash watch

'Players' manager' is a front-office headache
http://www.star-telegram.com/284/sto...

What does a general manager do when he learns that the major strength he firmly believed his new manager would bring—"a family atmosphere" to the clubhouse—now looks more like a Jerry Springer episode?

What does he do when his "players’ manager" has alienated his players and split the clubhouse far worse than Buck Showalter ever did?

A's v Giants "is kind of like the difference between going to see the Ramones and going to see the Bee Gees. A's fans will go see the Ramones." -BB 07/27/05

by xbhaskarx on Jun 10, 2007 11:52 AM PDT reply actions

Damn!

That does not paint a very pretty picture. Though maybe what's meant by "more divisive than Showalter" is that while some of the Rangers like Wash, the players were unified in their hatred of Showalter.

Watt Funk Staturist

by FreeSeatUpgrade on Jun 10, 2007 7:08 PM PDT up reply actions

1/2 the team thinks they're worse than the royals

the other half thinks the team is worse than the nationals.

A's v Giants "is kind of like the difference between going to see the Ramones and going to see the Bee Gees. A's fans will go see the Ramones." -BB 07/27/05

by xbhaskarx on Jun 10, 2007 7:43 PM PDT up reply actions

yikes

sounds ugly in tea-has. what happened with wash and tex? i didn't hear that story. i think its basically a forgone conclusion now that the trade him to baltimore??

by Backspin on Jun 10, 2007 12:21 PM PDT reply actions

someone please reinforce the axles ...

... on the Dan Haren bandwagon, because Ray Ratto has jumped on board.

Most of us don't think that we're just apes with trousers. @('.')@

by monkeyball on Jun 10, 2007 1:02 PM PDT reply actions

kansas city royals west

that's what ratto called the a's after they traded for haren. 65 wins.

A's v Giants "is kind of like the difference between going to see the Ramones and going to see the Bee Gees. A's fans will go see the Ramones." -BB 07/27/05

by xbhaskarx on Jun 10, 2007 1:21 PM PDT up reply actions

what is he insinuating here:

"I mean, when you have the best numbers in baseball, you don't get to go winery hopping with your wife (or anyone else's, for that matter)."

... Is this a "Sideways" reference or something?

"He could run for mayor of Oakland! I hope he never wakes up" -Korach on Cust's GW 3 run HR

by popcornjames on Jun 10, 2007 8:36 PM PDT up reply actions

could be

this

A's v Giants "is kind of like the difference between going to see the Ramones and going to see the Bee Gees. A's fans will go see the Ramones." -BB 07/27/05

by xbhaskarx on Jun 10, 2007 8:47 PM PDT up reply actions