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Pirates, Sharks, and Paris Hilton: today's DLD (6/9/2007)

It's late, I'm bored, let's rock.

Paris Hilton ordered back to jail, starts crying. The American justice system prevails, defense attorneys everywhere start weeping, too. Even George Michael got off easier.

Space shuttle Atlantis launches from Cape Canaveral. Mission to Jupiter expected to be a big success. In an unrelated event, a large black stone is found on the Moon.

Little pirate's birthday ruined. All he wanted was to strike fear into the hearts of his suburban neighbors, city council says he needs a permit.

Migraine medication turns Canadians into Vulcans.

And now on to baseball:

Milton Bradley back on the DL, doctors order him to wear a hockey helmet and roller skating pads at all times.

Larry Davis works his magic on the Giants, A's win in 10. Lou Seal was reported to be in the Giants' dugout warming up his bat. Crazy Crab put on the 15-day DL.

Beckett gets to 9-0. Eric Byrnes gets an Eric Byrnes hat-trick, with a hit, a strikeout, and an error.

Soriano hits three homers (in the same game).

And to those other sports:

Roger Federer to face Rafael Nadal in French Open finals. Nadal has never lost in le Stade de Roland Garros. Both of them need haircuts.

And just because you may have been expecting something even remotely resembling humor in here: