Poetic Interlude: Kendall is Killing Us Softly

by secret ASian man on May 20, 2007 9:19 PM PDT

Inspired by an actual comment from a post game thread!

Strumming our pain with his ground outs
Stingin' our lives with his K's
Killing us softly with his swing
Killing us softly with his swing
Leading the whole league with DP's
Killing us softly with his swing

I heard he called a good game
I heard he was hardcore
And so he came to Oakland and lead off for awhile
And there he was this catcher
Home run to left field

We felt flushed with fever
Embarrassed by his stats
I felt that he should rest more often and Melhuse should play more
I pray that he would walk
But he just kept right on

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Comments

Got a problem with your musical choice

Killing us softly with his swing

Kendall couldn't kill a gnat with his swing. I know, I know juxtapositon or irony or metaphysical whatever. But the fact remains there's a greater risk of being beat to death by an 89 year old grandmother swinging a palm frond at you than you are of Jason Kendall hurting you with a baseball bat.

The very concept of Jason Kendall doing damage with a baseball bat is just ludicrous.

Yep. Warm and fuzzy... that's me.

by grover on May 20, 2007 10:17 PM PDT reply actions

Just because he can swing

that doesn't mean he can hit.

"it's like an alarm clock, WOOT WOOT!" -Bubb Rubb

by secret ASian man on May 20, 2007 10:39 PM PDT up reply actions

I loved it

I thought I heard Lauren Hill a bit there.

"If I'm an 8 or a 5 on a scale of 1-10, what is Eric Chavez?"-Drunk guy. "A 15" his seat neighbor.

by mlleaimee on May 20, 2007 10:32 PM PDT reply actions

Roberta Flack > Lauren Hill

by calvin @ Athletics Nation on May 21, 2007 8:43 AM PDT up reply actions

Lauryn Hill > Lauren Hill

;)

The A's DL: To infinity, and beyond!

by Poppy on May 21, 2007 8:53 AM PDT up reply actions

Lauryn Hill > Lauren Hill > Poppy

Blah

by kaweahkaweah on May 21, 2007 9:21 AM PDT up reply actions

No argument from me...

The A's DL: To infinity, and beyond!

by Poppy on May 21, 2007 9:27 AM PDT up reply actions

Hey

I knew someone else sang the song before and it was better but I couldn't think of her name and couldn't be arsed to look it up.

"If I'm an 8 or a 5 on a scale of 1-10, what is Eric Chavez?"-Drunk guy. "A 15" his seat neighbor.

by mlleaimee on May 21, 2007 12:38 PM PDT up reply actions

Awesome

Nice meter too. A lot of parody songs screw that up. :)

by calvin @ Athletics Nation on May 21, 2007 8:39 AM PDT reply actions

Thanks

I have a degree in music, might as well put it to use.

"it's like an alarm clock, WOOT WOOT!" -Bubb Rubb

by secret ASian man on May 21, 2007 2:31 PM PDT up reply actions

Nah...

We can't count past 4 ;)

by anomaly_kat on May 21, 2007 10:50 PM PDT up reply actions

well i guess i'm the only one.

i kinda like having the cleverest player i've ever seen. who looks like he's totally into and enjoying playing the game. easily without question the softest hitting non pitcher in baseball so the defense can work on their kickball defensive alignment. who, if he could ever get on, can steal you and me a base. i'm just a sucker for any mlb'er hitting under .200 who's a threat to go yard for the only time this year on any pitch. (closer i get to you w/d hathaway a nice r flack tune. where did you get your music degree?)

get over it. it's only a lane change.

by oakath on May 21, 2007 6:26 PM PDT reply actions

Cal State Hayward

Now how I didn't say "East Bay."

"it's like an alarm clock, WOOT WOOT!" -Bubb Rubb

by secret ASian man on May 21, 2007 6:38 PM PDT up reply actions

very good sir. reason i ask

is i lived colleged and worked around corner from berklee in boston. and me mammy lived round corner from lincoln center julliard. i have downloaded music illegally. i'm sorry.

get over it. it's only a lane change.

by oakath on May 22, 2007 8:17 AM PDT up reply actions

Thanks Secret A. Man

I'm honored that you were inspired!

Hi ho.

by danh on May 21, 2007 8:32 PM PDT reply actions

farcical lyrical GENIUS!

i will take the words and sing it in our cavernous and sound enhancing stairwell in the office (after everybody goes home).

subject to revision pending next issue

by ak_A on May 21, 2007 10:43 PM PDT reply actions

Geez... I have a terrible voice and didn't notice

until I was singing alone in my office with nothing but crickets around me.

Top notch post but I wish the truth didn't hurt so much. After reading this Kendall will go into a single-at-a-time hot streak not seen since the summer of "Homerin' Jack Cust."

"Shitburger, Skip?"

by ohtobe21likehuston on May 22, 2007 1:45 PM PDT reply actions