Haiku Friday (with bonus limerick)
by JediLeroy on Dec 7, 2007 1:15 PM PST
Email
PrintBarry Lamar Bonds
Stay the hell away from us
What else needs be said?
Rumors from Slusser
My inner peace is disturbed
Get thee hence, Satan
Broken down legend
Colossal waste of money
No bay for splash hits
Haren and Blanton
Ain't no hope of competing
Let's tear this shit up
The Outfield defense:
Jack fell down and broke his crown
Bonds tumbling after
The cream and the clear
Straight from the orange and the black
To the green and gold
Give me the big head
One thousand-plus O P S
Savior of the A's
Chamionship hopes
Keep Haren and Big Blanton
Asshole and Colon
The story of Barry Lamar--
The guy who could hit really far
The league as a whole
Won't touch him with a pole
And THAT is the A's kind of star
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What the Hell, I'm bored
Canseco, dirty
Big Red not in Hall of Fame
Too late for ethics
Not too late for me
Bash Bros were before my time
Oh... but... Giambi...
Miggy as well
exciting ball in Oakland
ethics be dam-ned
* :
Asshole and Colon
Win it at all costs--
It's the American Way.
Souls for sale, and cheap.
*
If the cost is low
Enough for Beane to swallow
Wait- can haiku rhyme?
by still bills kingdom on Dec 7, 2007 5:45 PM PST up reply actions
3
souls black like burnt toast
dire ethical dilemma
worth minus five wins
pools on the tundra
Francona spits profusely
mouth cancer soon
leafless tree limbs sway
trade talk proliferates
winter limps ahead
Five losses are booked
Team chemistry up in flames
hat-load of asses
Jack Cust's protection
What a disgusting picture
Mind out of gutter
Non-baseball haiku
Eight thanksgiving pounds
Man boobies and love handles
No more polish dogs
Limericks > Haikus
There once was a slugger named Barry
Of whom the whole league was once wary
But year after year
of The cream and the clear
Have left the old man quite contrary
Personal fave limericks:
The limerick's furtive and mean;
You must keep her in close quarantine,
Or she slips to the slums,
Where she quickly becomes
Disorderly, drunk, and obscene.
There was a young girl from Madras,
Who possessed a magNIFicent ass.
Not shapely and pink,
As you probably think--
It was gray, had long ears and ate grass.
In my experience
the shapeliest asses are not pink.
Okay, howsabout:
Not flesh-colorized,
As you may have surmised?
It wasn't chartreuse,
As you may have mused?
Not red, brown or rose,
As you may suppose?
Not persimmon or puce,
As you may have deduced?
Not aquamarine,
Which I doubt you have seen?
Help me out here.
by The Dogfather on Dec 8, 2007 7:39 AM PST up reply actions
Ok...
Not ripe and unspotted
As you might've thoughted
Not lucid and lean
As would please Billy Beane
Not of such a hue
As would tempt Uncle Lew
Not such nonpareil
As excites mdl
Not rosy and winsome
As to rouse still bills kingdom
Not luscious and rich
As a Dogfather's -----
Ahem...that's quite enough out of me. I liked yours better anyway, and may I say- well played, sir. :)
by still bills kingdom on Dec 8, 2007 7:16 PM PST up reply actions
I've never heard it called a "kingdom" b4--
--except, maybe, in Richard III.
But I'll pass along your compliment to my luscious girlfriendich. She'll be pleased.
AND, the rewrite concludes:
Not pink, beige or brown,
Was this ass of renown,
by The Dogfather on Dec 9, 2007 9:37 AM PST up reply actions
The correct answer is
Medical Staff
There once was a guy named Larry
Whose medical practice was kind of scary
What horror he has done
But I guess it'll be fun
To see what he does to Barry
Larry Davis should have his own Haiku thread
The A's had a medical trainer
Who's actually the only remainer
He's really the worst
And prob'ly the first
To give the O.K. to play a "no-brainer"
Stepping off high ground,
Onto the slippery slope.
Splash--snakes in a swamp.
Speaking of snakes in a swamp..
Has anybody seen Rescue Dawn? Watch the featurettes on the DVD. They're amazing.
HiSue Friday
Stepping off high ground,
Our Sue Slusser is a babe.
Urban can't compete.
Haiku could be better than limericks
if they were done right. There's more to it than just counting syllables.
<resists urge to trot out the Lilly-for-Kielty limerick again>
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