Inspired by FSU's "Cube Farm" and the rampant trade rumors -- and with apologies to Messrs Tufnel, St. Hubbins, and Smalls -- I present ...

Big Blanton

(Original lyrics here.)

The more uni stitchin’, the sweeter the pitchin'
That's what Beane said
The looser the waistband, the better the command
Or so I have read

His payroll next year gives Beane weak Pareto
He'd like to trade him to one of his alter egos

Big Blanton, big Blanton
Talk about Cupcakes, our guy’s got 'em
Big Blanton traded out of Oakland
How could Beane get his demands?

He’ll trade him soon some day, for LaRoche or Mets’ John Maine
You know what Beane needs
He pitches each fifth day, will get filthy rich pay
Too much for B. Beane

His trade gun's loaded and Joe's a good arm
Bargains are waiting on other teams’ farms, yeah

Big Blanton, big Blanton
Talk about good stats, our guy's got 'em
Big Blanton traded out of Oakland
How could Beane get his demands?