The Unwanted Return of AN Confessional?

by DMtShooter on Jan 18, 2007 8:55 PM PST

Probably not. After all, I moved and abdicated.

But if you remember the man who brought you

FIRE MACHA NOW! (Hey, it worked!)
The AN Confessional
Polls That Made No Sense
Simmering Unresolved Issues with Nico
and Other Diaries No One Remembers...

It's the All New, All Snark, All Sports Blog that someone, somewhere is talking about -- http://fivetooltool.blogspot.com/

Five Tool Tool has, to date, no hot Priest On Sin action, and coverage of the A's has been thinner than recent attendance at the T-Long Fan Club Meet Ups.

But it does have NFL coverage, NBA rantings, a revolutionary new way to use cheerleaders, infantile nicknames and apt comparisons of Barry Bonds to a meth lab.

So come on down! And if you're still dealing with unresolved sin, post it below. I'll unpack my Big Funny Hat and get to penance-pushing.

DMt

Poll

I missed DMtShooter more than...

Gary Papa

5 votes

Billy McMillan

0 votes

Ken Macha

2 votes

Who are you now again?

22 votes

T-Long

2 votes

Jason Giambi

0 votes

Jeremy Giambi

4 votes

Herpes

10 votes

Gil Heredia

3 votes

Bill King (seek help)

1 votes

49 votes | Poll has closed

Tweet Comment 34 comments | 0 recs |

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Comments

did you coin FIRE MACHA NOW!...?

Around here, that's the most grandiose claim this side of Al Gore saying he invented the Internet, so I hope that's true. If so, man, that deserves a mention in the ANcillary terms section (new addition since your abduction, err, abdication).

I know this is the creed and not what you recite in the confessional, but...I confess, to almighty Blez, and to you my AN brothers and sisters, that I have sinned through my own fault, in my words and in my thoughts (man, this doesn't need much modification...), in what I have typed and what I have failed to type, and I ask the blessed BaseballGirl, and to you my AN brothers and sisters, to pray for me to DMt our Shooter.

"We don't want haddock and chips, we want cod. In cod we trust." --Ghostigital, the pride of Iceland

by Cutthemullet on Jan 18, 2007 9:16 PM PST reply actions

That's mine.

As for your confession, we need more specifics before we lay out the penance. What is troubling you, my son?

by DMtShooter on Jan 18, 2007 10:59 PM PST up reply actions

Well, Msgr Dmt

I must confess to being a repeat offender for drunken diarying. Many members of the community find my sin rather enjoyable, so that makes the sin harder to resist. I realize that I should have a designated poster when I'm drunk, but I'm too weak...bless me, father

"We don't want haddock and chips, we want cod. In cod we trust." --Ghostigital, the pride of Iceland

by Cutthemullet on Jan 19, 2007 6:34 AM PST up reply actions

Ah, the sin of Indulgence.

Both for you and for your audience.

When your Priest was but a wee lad of 25, he led a rock and roll band that was somewhat beloved. In this endeavour, your Priest frequently worked with musicians who believed that they worked better in an altered state.

The truth or falsity of the statement, and the morality involved in their usage, was never questioned. Instead, we looked at it from this perspective: if you are only "good" while altered, does this not mean that you will be constantly seeking to replicate your condition?

Life, as Antonio Perez might surmise, is difficult enough.

Your Priest is also leaving unsaid the A's unfortunate history of players who have had their wisdom fail in similar situations.

(Besides, if you really want to post while f*** up, you can always just wait to do it in the middle of the night, when Greg Papa can become Gary Papa.)

For your penance, you must abstain from the communal wine at the next AN Confessional Sacrement, and remain 1000 feet away from Esteban Loiaza at all times.

Now go, and sin no more!

by DMtShooter on Jan 19, 2007 8:07 AM PST up reply actions

Beautiful! The curse of the split cap!

I confess that during the '89 Series I worked at a sporting goods store and bought one thinking that it may some day become a collector's item. Well, I was right. It's been sitting in my closet collecting dust for all these years. I could never wear it because I always want the A's to kill the Giants.

"...sometimes I can't tell the difference between baseball and magic."- salb918 "Ellie plowed into him like an evil, pink unicorn."-ArakSOT

by McFood on Jan 20, 2007 12:22 AM PST up reply actions

that poll is like...

...a "which one doesn't belong" list...8 people affiliated with the A's in some way, broken up by the inclusion of herpes. lol. Well, just for its placement in the middle of all the A's, past and present, it gets my vote.

"We don't want haddock and chips, we want cod. In cod we trust." --Ghostigital, the pride of Iceland

by Cutthemullet on Jan 18, 2007 9:18 PM PST reply actions

I voted for Gary Papa

by mikeA on Jan 18, 2007 10:59 PM PST up reply actions

Me too, whoever that is. But I do miss GREG Papa.

And I love/d the AN Confessionals.

"...sometimes I can't tell the difference between baseball and magic."- salb918 "Ellie plowed into him like an evil, pink unicorn."-ArakSOT

by McFood on Jan 19, 2007 7:39 AM PST up reply actions

Unresolved sin...Hmm...

"Simmering Unresolved Issues with Nico?" Get in line, buddy.

I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal

by Nico on Jan 18, 2007 9:47 PM PST reply actions

You know what you did.

And... scene!

<fade>

by DMtShooter on Jan 18, 2007 11:02 PM PST up reply actions

Yes!!

I love this guy.

Hmmm, no sins tonight...ok I thought of one.

I moved to San Francisco and I'm thinking of becoming a Giants fan because the Giants are closer AND the A's are moving to Fremont and San Jose may as well be Mars to me.

Bless me Father for I have sinned.

It's a beautiful day for baseball.

by As Man on Jan 18, 2007 11:17 PM PST reply actions

The sin of convenience.

Verily, your brothers and sisters in the Nation show you that proximity to the A's is no requirement for True Fandom.

Your priest now lives in the unwanted middle ground of New York and Philadelphia, home to no less than three MLB franchises, if you count the Phillies. Has his faith in the A's wavered? Nay!

Even in the valley of shadow, also known as New York, you will find A's fans. Is your situation truly comparable to theirs? Nay!

Even if thou were to have another team before the Oakland/San Jose/Fremont/Pinole/Milpitas A's, wouldst thou stoop -- stoop and slither! -- to accept the baseball of a cheat and a rat, a farm system that last produced good players in the Johnson Administration, and the most overpaid LHP SP in the game who is not named Unit? Nay!

Verily I say unto you, Sucketh It Upeth, and realize that many, many have it much worse than thou.

For your penance, take a pilgrimmage to Fremont via the Bridge of Dumbarton, and avail thyself of a walk in its Central Park on Stevenson Boulevard. While there, feed a fresh loaf of San Francisco sourdough to the ducks, then partake of its Half Priced Book Store, which actually kinda rocks.

Now go, and sin no more!

by DMtShooter on Jan 18, 2007 11:34 PM PST up reply actions

Thanks Shooter!

I just might do that (probably not, but hey).

I do hate Barry Bonds though...you're onto something there.

It's a beautiful day for baseball.

by As Man on Jan 18, 2007 11:57 PM PST up reply actions

alright, you're still on your game

I'll post my greatest sin above...

"We don't want haddock and chips, we want cod. In cod we trust." --Ghostigital, the pride of Iceland

by Cutthemullet on Jan 19, 2007 6:31 AM PST up reply actions

That was great!

My new favorite phrase: "Sucketh It Upeth!!"

"We don't rebuild in Oakland, man," Swisher cackles. "We re-load." Pics

by BobbyCrosbysGirl on Jan 19, 2007 10:12 AM PST up reply actions

Okay...

When I took a tour of Phone Co. Park (I guess that's one in itself), I went to the store to see if they had any Zito shirts in stock yet.
I find myself really wanting a Giants Zito shirt.

"You can't arrest me, I'm a basketball player." - Gilbert Arenas

by JLaff on Jan 19, 2007 3:20 PM PST reply actions

The shirts are available now..

or so I've been told. You should keep wearing your A's Zito shirt.

by LongTimeFan on Jan 19, 2007 3:57 PM PST up reply actions

who's this here layman

posing as the pastor

"We don't want haddock and chips, we want cod. In cod we trust." --Ghostigital, the pride of Iceland

by Cutthemullet on Jan 19, 2007 4:55 PM PST up reply actions

Blasphemy!

Here's a little-known fact: the cost of that Zito shirt is exactly the same as the current dollar amount for thirty pieces of silver. Will you also sell out your team for such a meager profit?

The Church of AN will forgive much, and bears no real ill will toward Mr. Zito's golden parachute into a peaceful and profitable retirement where his Octobers will always be free. But those who move with him will see little, pay much, and be cast out from the Heaven of Beane into the Hell of Barry.

Your penance is to purchase one of those idiotic half Giants half A's caps, and where it to A's Fanfest, but only after smearing the Giants side in a mixture of The Clear and The Cream. If you do not have access, it it permissible to use bacon grease.

Unlike true Giants, you will not be permitted to blame your possession of this hat on anyone but your teammates.

Now go, and sin no more!

Have you visited http://fivetooltool.blogspot.com yet? Well, why the hell not?

by DMtShooter on Jan 19, 2007 7:40 PM PST up reply actions

well...

I'm contemplating skipping Spring Training to go snowboarding in a state other than California where there's actually, you know, snow. That's right.

by high street on Jan 19, 2007 5:38 PM PST reply actions

you could go snowboarding in AZ ...

up 'round Flagstaff.

Read my latest articles

by devo on Jan 19, 2007 5:52 PM PST up reply actions

ugh... I'm in search of

powder. The snow quality at Flagstaff in March is about equal to that in NorCal this year...light, wet, and lots of exposed rock. I'd like to get in at least one powder day this season...

by high street on Jan 19, 2007 6:40 PM PST up reply actions

I'm in search of powder too,

and I don't ski.

I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal

by Nico on Jan 19, 2007 6:44 PM PST up reply actions

Winchells.

Dondurma

by Ice Cream on Jan 19, 2007 6:53 PM PST up reply actions

aright ...

well the Rockies are only a half a day's drive away. It's 8 hours to Telluride.

Read my latest articles

by devo on Jan 19, 2007 7:29 PM PST up reply actions

No sin.

Spring Training is optional in the eyes of this priest; if the games do not count, you are allowed to abstain.

But remember, when one deprive yourself of A's baseball, it is no the A's who suffer. Stay safe.

Have you visited http://fivetooltool.blogspot.com yet? Well, why the hell not?

by DMtShooter on Jan 19, 2007 7:50 PM PST up reply actions

I find myself caring more about

football than baseball, which may be a sin, I'm not sure. I was more interested in the stats for the next day's game than Barry Zito being traded.

GO PATS!

by californiagirl on Jan 19, 2007 5:38 PM PST reply actions

No sin.

This Priest is tolerant of Hot Stove indifference, especially in a modern age of massive player movement. If one is interested in sports other than the A's, and there is no conflict in time, your heart and integrity as a fan are true.

No penance. Now go, and sin no more!

Have you visited http://fivetooltool.blogspot.com yet? Well, why the hell not?

by DMtShooter on Jan 19, 2007 8:10 PM PST up reply actions

i was halfway considering

cutting off my cable tv for 2007....enter the baseball season with only the internet. and be weaned enough from tv that by the time the season arrived, i would find mlbtv and audio more tolerable.

rip 2006, it was nice while it lasted.

by ak_A on Jan 19, 2007 6:30 PM PST reply actions

No penance.

A's Fandom requires no specific medium. Whether you go by newspaper, radio, television or the Web, your integrity as a fan remains.

Now go, and sin no more!

Have you visited http://fivetooltool.blogspot.com yet? Well, why the hell not?

by DMtShooter on Jan 19, 2007 8:11 PM PST up reply actions

thanks and the tv blackout

would free me of my ESPN (Exasperation Sports Piss (me off) Network) ying and yang.

rip 2006, it was nice while it lasted.

by ak_A on Jan 19, 2007 10:29 PM PST up reply actions

Whenever I've gone to a Rivercats game ...

I've gotten drunk off my ass and don't remember a thing that happened ...

Read my latest articles

by devo on Jan 19, 2007 8:16 PM PST reply actions

Whenever I've gone to a Rivercats game

I've sexually violated some guy who was always drunk off his ass.

I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal

by Nico on Jan 19, 2007 9:39 PM PST up reply actions

the last time i went to confess (september '06)...

i brought along my radio and was listening to the A's game through one earphone, rather than to my priest. it was the 7th inning, which as you know, is one of the top ten most important innings in a nine inning game. i confessed to still harboring anger from years past at rincon, t-long, and laRussa. i did not hear the priest's reply, but was too shamed to ask him to repeat it. instead i did 3 Holy Toledo's and 4 shots of Cuervo.

damn you, larussa, you over-rated egotistical bastard.

by danh on Jan 19, 2007 9:24 PM PST reply actions