FanPost

It's time we addressed the REAL stadium issue

     Wolff's talk about a new Fenway or Wrigley leads me to wonder:  What does he plan to do with the left field fence?  Will powerful electromagnetic fields attempt to duplicate Chicago's ground-rule ivy or the line-drive-killing, fly-ball-glorifying effects of the green monster?  Will the wall around the stadium be a gigantic mobius strip, with the half-twist out in left, ensuring that any ball hit out there will fall into an interdimensional vortex and never return?  Or does Wolff just mean that once he's built this place, he doesn't want to spring for a new one for at least 90 years?
     All this is just distracting us from the real issue: by building in Fremont, Wolff is giving up on the opportunity of a lifetime, a chance to go with the one stadium plan that everyone can agree on.  Monkeyball's proposed floating stadium would not only be the greatest ballpark in baseball history; when sailing in international waters, it could be a country unto itself!  To this end, and to supplement the great Monkey's versification, I have composed an unofficial national anthem for this new Athletics-Nation-state-to-be:

When A's, at Monkeyball's command,
Played ball upon the azure main,
From all the corners of Oak-land,
Athletics Nation sang this strain:

Go Athletics!
Athletics rule the waves!
Huston never, never, never shall blow saves!

Sports nations not so blest as we,
Must all to losing seasons fall,
While thou shall flourish on the sea,
The green-clad envy of them all.

Go Athletics!
Athletics rule the waves!
Win divisions just as oft as Glavine's Braves!

Still more Milt and Swish shall thou dance,
More joyous with each home-run stroke.
Your mighty blasts that tear the skies,
Above the bay and Land of Oak.

Go Athletics!
Athletics rule the waves!
Smite the baseball with thy mighty wooden staves!

Thee basement tyrants e'er shall claim,
And their attempts to bend thee down,
Will but arouse thy generous flame.
And yield great pics for thy renown.

Go Athletics!
Athletics rule the waves!
Wear the old-school high-socks every woman craves!

To thee belongs the whole East Bay,
Thy city shall be Oakland still,
Yet you may sail to San Jose;
From every shore, thy bleachers fill!

Go Athletics!
Athletics rule the waves!
Not named for a parking lot that Wolff's cash paves!

The muses still, in A-N found,
Shall to thy game-day threads repair,
Thy runs with new-thread mojo crowned,
N-Rafs cheering from everywhere!

Go Athletics!
Athletics rule the waves!
Win the World Series while Joe Morgan raves!

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