Speaking of Fat Ladies Singing...

Friday night's game was a perfect example of why I pay an extra five bucks a month getting the internet on my cell phone.

You see, I was performing in an opera last night.  Il Trovatore (you know, the one with the "Anvil Chorus") at the San Francisco Lyric Opera.  And yes, there was a fat lady singing and she was awesome.

I played the part of Ruiz, the sidekick of Manrico, the good guy.  My part pretty much consists of running on stage with some recit, leaving and then closing out the scene when I return with the chorus serving as the cavalry to save the day.  The opera has four acts and is about three hours long.

Out of those three hours, I'm probably only have about 30 minutes of actual stage time which leaves me with plenty of time to follow the game on my phone.

If you think MLB Gameday sucks, following a baseball game on a cell phone is way worse.  I was probably a sight to see.  I was wandering backstage in costume pacing back and forth.  I was either muttering in a low voice or doing a Eckersley-esque fist pump to display of dissapointment or joy of the games progress.  Between refreshes on my cell phone's browser I was always shifting my position searching for a stronger signal, we were in the basement of the California Palace of the Legion of Honor in Lincoln Park.

I probably looked like Star Trek character scanning for lifeforms.

After singing my small bit ("Siam giunti, ecco la torre.  Ove di stato ge'monoi prigioneri.  Ah! L'infelice, i vi futratto") to open the fourth and final act I picked up my cell phone to follow the game.  By this time it was the top of the tenth.  I knew I had plenty of time.  This was the act where most of the characters die and since it was opera, it would take a looong time.

Let's just if real life was like opera and somebody was shot in the head.  That person would have about five minutes to sing an aria saying goodbye to the world and belt out a few high Bb's and C's before expiring.  Yes, I had a lot of time.

But, as we all know, the game wouldn't end that quickly.

I breifly considered going to my bows with my glasses on and cell phone in hand, but I didn't; it wouldn't have been professional.

After changing out of the costume, it was the bottom of the twelfth.  Swisher had just been walked, it was time for Marco Scutaro.  I was still refreshing my cell phone browser.

I thought to myself "Why the hell am I still on the phone, Marco's going to do something.  I need to listen to the game in my truck."  I bolted for my truck and turned on the radio.  I made it just in time to listen to the hit live.

The next minute or so I was screaming in the cab of my pickup truck.  It was a mad garble of "YEAAAAHHH!"  "LET'S GO OAKLAND!" and "BI-ATCH!"  I haven't felt like this since Jason Kendall hit that home run.  I then calmly collect myself and drove off to a tapas bar to have some drinks with the cast.

It was a good night.