Apologies to Woofing Gods

by scutaroknowstheway on Sep 12, 2006 9:03 PM PDT Comment 55 comments

To start this off, I'm not a superstitious person. I don't mind talk about the playoff rotation or the A's magic number. I step on cracks all the time while passing under ladders. However, there are some things I am not dumb enough to do.

"Screwing" the baseball gods is like jumping onto the railroad tracks and flipping off a train, and then daring it to hit you. The A's have gone hot and cold before, so if it happens again no else will suspect the gods' treachery. Imagine those ESPN guys leaning back in their chairs, chuckling over another heartbreaking season in Oakland. And it will be blamed on the lack of intangibles, and the fact that the A's just aren't a playoff ballclub. Only you will know what really happened: it's your fault that the A's, the team that makes life worth living, missed the playoffs and that somewhere Rev Halofan is laughing.

So, this diary is a place for you to beg forgiveness. If you want there to be any chance of the A's beating Liriano tomorrow and getting green-hot again, you have to do it. Acknowledge that there are three levels of being: helpless fans and players, the Big Hurt, and then the woofing gods, who can do whatever the hell they want.

For those of you who just love to be rebels, how about you wait until we win the world series, and then do whatever you want?

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How about this:

Macha Happens!!!

See the 2003 Game 5 against the Red Sox. PH'ing for Jermaine Dye!!!

That has NOTHING to do with any Woofing Gods.

In fact, the Oaktown Mojo is WAY greater than any woofing god and Macha took that down too.

"I think we just feel that now is our time." - Nick Swisher

by saint on Sep 12, 2006 9:08 PM PDT reply actions

then explain

how he got rehired

"Every time he's in that position, he gets a hit." ~Justin Duchscherer

by scutaroknowstheway on Sep 12, 2006 9:10 PM PDT up reply actions

Beane's explanation:

He's good ENOUGH

"I think we just feel that now is our time." - Nick Swisher

by saint on Sep 12, 2006 9:30 PM PDT up reply actions

it's gotten so bad

that i just tried to create a new AN account as "0akt00n" in order to post an "a's are the worst team in the history of baseball" diary to try and get some reverse mojo going...

A's v Giants "is kind of like the difference between going to see the Ramones and going to see the Bee Gees. A's fans will go see the Ramones." -BB 07/27/05

by xbhaskarx on Sep 12, 2006 9:32 PM PDT reply actions

we need oaktooon.

he needs to rip the a's real bad....that's when the team gets it right. 'toon, please come back.

by arch on Sep 12, 2006 10:46 PM PDT up reply actions

I beg the woofing gods.....

to let the A's get green-hot. I promise I'll do the dishes for a month straight for my Yankee loving roommate if you only answer this one prayer.

"Don't you play the flute, Huddy?"

by capper3 on Sep 12, 2006 9:42 PM PDT reply actions

Oh, Woofing Gods,

if you'll just allow the A's to get green-hot again, I promise I'll have sex with a human next time!

I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal

by Nico on Sep 12, 2006 9:47 PM PDT reply actions

you mean you actually get a choice?

some guys have all the luck!

"Be in first place, then come and talk to me!!!" Erik being Erik to Angels fan at Anaheim Stadium.

by Amnesiac727 on Sep 12, 2006 11:21 PM PDT up reply actions

That's a little distrubing

No way in Hell am I getting you a pony now.

Why yes. I am a ray of warm and fuzzy sunshine.

by grover on Sep 13, 2006 7:44 AM PDT up reply actions

I hate it when Nico distrubes

Nico, leave your trube on!

A lonely monkey is a spiritually dead monkey. -- tankerraid @('.')@

by monkeyball on Sep 13, 2006 5:45 PM PDT up reply actions

Oh great.

Monkeyball is chanelling my 4th grade English teacher!

Why yes. I am a ray of warm and fuzzy sunshine.

by grover on Sep 13, 2006 6:05 PM PDT up reply actions

Yes: I'm spritzing her with cologne

A lonely monkey is a spiritually dead monkey. -- tankerraid @('.')@

by monkeyball on Sep 13, 2006 6:12 PM PDT up reply actions

BOOK IT!

Or not.

by Apricot on Sep 12, 2006 9:50 PM PDT reply actions

Forgive them,

oh ye woofing gods, for they know not what they say. Forgive them for clucking about the A's magic number in July. Forgive them for talking smack to Angels fans before said Angels went on a 6-game winning streak and cut our lead by 40%. Forgive them for being defensive about the A's choking in September. Forgive Nico for penning diaries about whether Frank should play 1st base in National League parks ...

"The A's are boring because all they do is win."

by Checkswing HR on Sep 12, 2006 9:54 PM PDT reply actions

my 'lucky' A's sleep-in shirt must run outta luck

into the wash it went tonight. Tomorrow will be a fresh beginning.

by Rickeyfan on Sep 12, 2006 10:26 PM PDT reply actions

I promise

to stop gloating every time the Giants make another stupid trade. I will stop adding up the age of the Giant's outfield (OK, one last time...122). I am sorry for always reminding my fellow San Franciscans that it has been a half century since their team wona series, and it was in New York.

Lastly, I am very sorry I gloated on the BART train after game two against the Bosox in 2003. I continue to feel responsible for the next three games.

Whew, I feel better already, and I hope the Gods look kindly on our A's

by robsf on Sep 12, 2006 11:43 PM PDT reply actions

are the woofing gods satisfied yet?

i don't think so. we need more ANers to beg for forgiveness.
if that doesn't work, may even have to sacrifice a virgin.

A's v Giants "is kind of like the difference between going to see the Ramones and going to see the Bee Gees. A's fans will go see the Ramones." -BB 07/27/05

by xbhaskarx on Sep 13, 2006 1:39 AM PDT reply actions

"We should've got the live chicken. "

"He's looking to sacrifice a live chicken. Man, we can't have people puking in the locker room before the game!"

"Apparently there's a rule that you have to be old enough to drive yourself to the induction ceremony. So obviously that's not gonna work."

by F171615 on Sep 13, 2006 2:22 AM PDT up reply actions

i just offered Jobu

a cigar and rum - he will come.

"Apparently there's a rule that you have to be old enough to drive yourself to the induction ceremony. So obviously that's not gonna work."

by F171615 on Sep 13, 2006 2:24 AM PDT up reply actions

Virgin Sacrifice

Anybody see Ohad lately?

Why yes. I am a ray of warm and fuzzy sunshine.

by grover on Sep 13, 2006 7:21 AM PDT up reply actions

Now THAT is the QOTM!!!

"I think we just feel that now is our time." - Nick Swisher

by saint on Sep 13, 2006 9:25 AM PDT up reply actions

3 slammers?

I must have seriously impressed. Luckily for Ohad the margin is back to 5.5, so he may yet be spared.

Why yes. I am a ray of warm and fuzzy sunshine.

by grover on Sep 13, 2006 5:46 PM PDT up reply actions

Chicken Bone Cross and Curses [Woofing Gods]

"That is not belief, that is desperation." ~ Jose to Bobby, from the movie Bull Durham.

4 8 15 16 23 42

by LowcountryJoe on Sep 13, 2006 2:44 AM PDT reply actions

Forgive them...

as we are on the Hunt for a Green October!

by Leesa on Sep 13, 2006 4:54 AM PDT reply actions

This is ridiculous.

We're still 4.5 games up and people are panicking already? We've just played the red hot Twins and lost two games in a row in their dome, and the Angels happened to win one against a White Sox team that has had a crappy bullpen for the last month now. None of this matters if we take care of business against the Angels, and I expect our guys to bring it.

by baseb3383 on Sep 13, 2006 7:18 AM PDT reply actions

Panicking already?

Were we not panicking at some point?

"the poop stain on the collective AN pantalones." -ohad

by ArakSOT on Sep 13, 2006 8:04 AM PDT up reply actions

Bring it?

Have you seen the starting pitching lately? I don't see this team bringing anything except misery to Athletics Nation.

Chicks dig Moneyball.

by Kelly on Sep 13, 2006 8:10 AM PDT up reply actions

heh

care to take that comment back, exactly one day later?

I am no drunkard, I'm a hard-working man.

by Cutthemullet on Sep 13, 2006 3:41 PM PDT up reply actions

Dear Woofing Gods

Fuck you.

Love, grover

Why yes. I am a ray of warm and fuzzy sunshine.

by grover on Sep 13, 2006 7:22 AM PDT reply actions

Attaboy. Way to piss into the wind. :)

"the reason why hitting the ball on the "sweet spot" of the bat feels so good is that the ball is contacting at the bat at a vibrational node." - salb918

by McFood on Sep 13, 2006 8:54 AM PDT up reply actions

QOTM

Seriously. Enough of this flat earth stuff. Put the magic number countdown on the front page and clear the October calendar.

BTW, anyone know when postseason tickets will go on sale to us non season ticket holding types?

"I don't want to 'Wear It.' It doesn't match my shoes." --Jennifer

by FreeSeatUpgrade on Sep 13, 2006 8:59 AM PDT up reply actions

2007

Could be a while. Perhaps 2007.

by Larry E on Sep 13, 2006 9:29 AM PDT up reply actions

Huh?

"I don't want to 'Wear It.' It doesn't match my shoes." --Jennifer

by FreeSeatUpgrade on Sep 13, 2006 9:46 AM PDT up reply actions

awesome!

by arch on Sep 13, 2006 9:29 AM PDT up reply actions

Thank you

Why yes. I am a ray of warm and fuzzy sunshine.

by grover on Sep 13, 2006 5:52 PM PDT up reply actions

Yup...F'-em.

"VORP? Not a clue what that is. But if it's good, I'll take it!"

-Nick Swisher

by kaweahkaweah on Sep 13, 2006 12:57 PM PDT up reply actions

C'mon

let the F-bomb fly!

Why yes. I am a ray of warm and fuzzy sunshine.

by grover on Sep 13, 2006 5:52 PM PDT up reply actions

Go grover!

Tell the WGs to shove stuff up their bums while you're at it too.

A's 2006 record when I attend: 10-7

by peanut gallery on Sep 13, 2006 1:12 PM PDT up reply actions

Sorry

I didn't think of bum stuffing while they were in my presence.

Why yes. I am a ray of warm and fuzzy sunshine.

by grover on Sep 13, 2006 5:51 PM PDT up reply actions

After the "live chicken" posts above...

...I expected "I'll do it myself" in there...

Rap Cat!

by FormerHuntsvilleStar on Sep 13, 2006 1:37 PM PDT up reply actions

Would have worked

It would have tied everything together nicely.

Why yes. I am a ray of warm and fuzzy sunshine.

by grover on Sep 13, 2006 5:51 PM PDT up reply actions

Man, they MUST be Ticked!!!

The A's shut out the Twinkies in the Homer Dome and the Sox are opening up a can of Woof a$$ on the Halos right now!!!

"I think we just feel that now is our time." - Nick Swisher

by saint on Sep 13, 2006 1:44 PM PDT up reply actions

I climbed the pillars of Heaven

and explained to the WG in my owe-so-sweet-manner that their arcane powers would be better suited in another dominion, say deciding the NL West.

Why yes. I am a ray of warm and fuzzy sunshine.

by grover on Sep 13, 2006 5:49 PM PDT up reply actions

should i say "i warned you"?

...oh, i just did.

"The Matt Watson/Chiba Lotte Marines Fan Club"-Through Sept 5th: GMS:56,AVG:.287,OBP:.372,SLG:.418, doubles:9, homers:5, RBI: 20

by bigelephant on Sep 13, 2006 9:52 AM PDT reply actions

Dear Woofing Gods

I haven't woofed at all. Please take my pennance in the place of all those who have. Forgive them and make one aspect of my life hell through November in their place. Allow them the joy of an Oakland World Series victory and take away my ability to play guitar (or somehting of comparable value). I request this in the name of Rickey Henderson, Amen.

Jeff

www.myspace.com/jeffaugust

by jeffro on Sep 13, 2006 1:04 PM PDT reply actions

Dear Boofing Gods

I'm an ass.

by methodrampage on Sep 13, 2006 2:39 PM PDT reply actions

Hey this thread actually worked.

Nico should promise to copulate with humans (as opposed to animals) before every game.

by IM4Oakgal on Sep 13, 2006 3:28 PM PDT reply actions

Yep:

Because most people in this thread arre appologizing!!!

"I think we just feel that now is our time." - Nick Swisher

by saint on Sep 13, 2006 3:32 PM PDT up reply actions

I apologized for you

That si why it worked. I keep waiting for my wrist to break or something.

www.myspace.com/jeffaugust

by jeffro on Sep 13, 2006 4:27 PM PDT up reply actions

HAHAHA!!! Nice ONe!!!

"I think we just feel that now is our time." - Nick Swisher

by saint on Sep 13, 2006 4:42 PM PDT up reply actions

Bor-

-ring.

I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal

by Nico on Sep 13, 2006 6:41 PM PDT up reply actions

Boring is okay, as long as you do it to humans

by Rickeyfan on Sep 13, 2006 6:44 PM PDT up reply actions

That's what boring about it--

You cannot limit me to one species.

Stop repressing me!!!

I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal

by Nico on Sep 13, 2006 6:47 PM PDT up reply actions

Okay, so I'm really sorry...

...I washed my lucky green watchband, and failed to untangle the banner that flyeth outside my front door that one time, last Friday. But the watchband is now once again properly odoriferous, and the banner flyeth proudly, and thoroughly unfurl-ed.

So, WGs, pls don't tell the rest of AN that it was all my fault, mmkay?

"You go with your feelin's, Johnny--right or wrong, you go with your feelin's." --Dan Dority

by The Dogfather on Sep 13, 2006 4:41 PM PDT reply actions