How to Counter the Rally Monkey

by jarforcefatherofforce on Aug 25, 2006 12:40 PM PDT

Accourding to the website Apes, you should . . .

. . . Discourage monkeys from coming into your home by placing rubber snakes, bright yellow or orange balls with painted big, black eyes or face masks in prominent/problem locations. Preferably these should be strung up so they can move in the breeze and should be relocated regularly.

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This implies that

I am afraid of monkeys. Frankly, I usually pick the little bastards up (be carefull they claw and spit) and chuck em out the window.

Of course being thrown out a window by an A's fan seems to amuse them. Have no idea why.

The sole exception to this rule seems to be a rare species of monkey that comes holding a baseball. This "monkeyball" usually brings beer, and is not a threat. No need to defenestrate this one.

"the only way Joe Morgan can lose his job is if he got caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy"Michael Lewis

by 510inDenver on Aug 25, 2006 12:55 PM PDT reply actions

<pulls six-pack out of fridge>

aka Baron Monkey Von Ballheimer -- FormerHuntsvilleStar @('.')@

by monkeyball on Aug 25, 2006 1:28 PM PDT up reply actions

I think it would be easier

to just punt that stupid monkey, but I am not one for such direct cruelty to animals.

Other possibilities:

Blare bad hair metal bands at top volume in order to drive the monkey crazy. Downfall of this is that said music actually attracts many Angels fans.
Solitary confinement of the monkey. A lonely monkey is a spiritually dead monkey. Then again, the monkey seems to be living quite well in the soulless void that is the Angels stadium, so I don't know how effective this would be.
Stomper + Sitting posture = monkey pancake.

"Folding chair. Right to the base of the HR guy's spine. Incapacitates a man in seconds. Next question." --Catfish Stew

by tankerraid on Aug 25, 2006 12:58 PM PDT reply actions

I like the monkey pancake idea...

Get right on that.

Proudly celebrating my 20th year as an A's fan.

by bzn5150 on Aug 25, 2006 2:24 PM PDT up reply actions

The Drums Keep Them Away!!!

"I think we just feel that now is our time." - Nick Swisher

by saint @ Athletics Nation on Aug 25, 2006 2:00 PM PDT reply actions

Thought that stupid monkey died....

I had not heard it mentioned at all this year that I recall. So I assumed that it had gotten caged up and taken away. The Angels can be a tough opponent, but we are a tough opponent as well.

Charlie Brown GO A'S WIN

by Charlie Brown on Aug 25, 2006 2:02 PM PDT reply actions