Frank Thomas Facts

by pbruins92 on Jul 3, 2006 7:09 PM PDT Comment 26 comments

Frank Thomas hit a ball so hard that it drilled a hole through the mound and popped out the other side.

Rich Harden is on the DL because Frank Thomas gave him a high five.

Remember how in Major League, Sorano rubbed hi bat with a voodoo doll to give him power? Nick Swishers bat touched Frank Thomas' bicep, that explains all the home runs.

Steve Yzerman saw Frank hit a 500ft home run and retired saying "I can die in peace now"

Frank Thomas hits exploding baseballs into the air every July Fourth to appease the gods. Humans call these shows "fireworks".

When Esteban Loaiza tried to impress the clubhouse by crushing a bear can on his head Frank Thomas responded by crushing a keg bewtween his pink and thumb.

Frank thomas once misunderstood when Whitesox Gm Kenny Williams told him that he would have "to carry the team to the next level". Kenny meant the playoffs. Frank thought he meant upstairs and carried all 25 guys up a flight of stairs, on his back.

Sammy Sosa never took steroids, however he once drank from the same cup as Frank Thomas.

Billy Beane has been kn own to throw chairs when he is angry. Frank Thomas doesn't get angry, he turns any hateful feelings into muscle. Frank Thomas is a hateful man.

Frank Thomas once hit a home run so far that the official scorer deemed it appropriate to count it twice.

Frank Thomas is a DH because the A's don't want the opposition to have the privilege to talk to him at first base.

And Finnally, frank Thomas stole a base....once.

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Another fact.

Frank Thomas is a large human being.

"The first night, we were right there," Bradley said. "All we needed was a couple of touchdowns, and we would have had them."

by jeepers on Jul 3, 2006 7:38 PM PDT reply actions

One more

Lew Wolff is planning to build the new A's stadium on Frank Thomas' bicep.

Stephen Colbert: "Kids who look up to athletes become athletes themselves."
The Word: Or bitter sports journalists.

by JLaff on Jul 3, 2006 7:47 PM PDT reply actions

at coliseum

poster at coliseum with frank hitting ball to mt davis and destroying it lol

by smasfan on Jul 3, 2006 8:06 PM PDT up reply actions

haha the funny one

with harden giving him a high five, haha hilirous!

by Mr Athletics on Jul 3, 2006 9:43 PM PDT reply actions

How did Harden manage that?

Was he on a step-stool?

I like Cindi. A.She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal

by Nico on Jul 3, 2006 10:08 PM PDT up reply actions

He was on Huston123's shoulders

Can intangibles exist? Only the ones you can touch.

by salb918 on Jul 3, 2006 10:25 PM PDT up reply actions

And Huston123

Was on the stepladder

Stephen Colbert: "Kids who look up to athletes become athletes themselves."
The Word: Or bitter sports journalists.

by JLaff on Jul 3, 2006 10:34 PM PDT up reply actions

Or step-stool

Stephen Colbert: "Kids who look up to athletes become athletes themselves."
The Word: Or bitter sports journalists.

by JLaff on Jul 3, 2006 10:34 PM PDT up reply actions

OK, that makes sense.

Assuming the step-stool was on a platform.

I like Cindi. A.She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal

by Nico on Jul 3, 2006 10:45 PM PDT up reply actions

Frank Thomas once hit

a game-winning home run in the first game of a double header and then pitched a no-hitter in the nightcap.

Can intangibles exist? Only the ones you can touch.

by salb918 on Jul 3, 2006 9:46 PM PDT reply actions

somewhere

somewhere, chuck norris is crying.

"Mommy and Daddy are going to take a nap before the baseball game starts..."

by Athletics fan and runner on Jul 4, 2006 7:28 AM PDT reply actions

because

because frank Thomas' tears can cure cancer, if he would only cry.

"Mommy and Daddy are going to take a nap before the baseball game starts..."

by Athletics fan and runner on Jul 4, 2006 7:29 AM PDT up reply actions

Frank Thomas

Will finish the east span of the Bay Bridge with his bare hands in his spare time and bring in the project under budget.

"The first night, we were right there," Bradley said. "All we needed was a couple of touchdowns, and we would have had them."

by jeepers on Jul 4, 2006 7:48 AM PDT reply actions

Frank Thomas...

merely has to extend his arms to finish the east span of the Bay Bridge.

Blueberry

by Ice Cream on Jul 4, 2006 8:52 AM PDT up reply actions

...and he could punch the fourth bore...

of the Caldecott with hi<community standards>

Dribble a little water along, and we might be mistook for ducklings--Silas Adams

by The Dogfather on Jul 5, 2006 7:16 AM PDT up reply actions

Here's a comment

that I made in the game thread the other day that you could add to this list.

And I like your fireworks fact, pbruins92!

"And Julio Franco is batting right-handed!" -- Wayne Hagin, A's radio play-by-play, mid-80s

by Nick on Jul 4, 2006 4:13 PM PDT reply actions

haha

thats a good one

"We've never been in that position. We wouldn't know how to operate, I mean, do we get him a corsage?"-Beane on Big name free agents

by pbruins92 on Jul 4, 2006 4:18 PM PDT up reply actions

One time Frank dodged a "H-I-G-G-G-H-H-H-H-

H-H-H & tight" pitch that got away and hit the ground cursing. The pitcher ran a new record mile getting out of the arena but that didn't stop Frank. He charged the mound and finding the pitcher's cap lying there he jumped on it over and over, stomping it into the ground!

To this day the pitcher has to jump up two and a half feet just to get an open shot at the strike zone!

"-4 is our runs margin after 80 games, ...when does that monster second half kick in?"

by A s Eh on Jul 4, 2006 9:30 PM PDT reply actions

Frank Thomas swung at and missed a pitch once...

and the wind is still blowing. That's why they call Chicago "The Windy City".

A Frank Thomas home run ball crashing into it is why the Hubble Space Telescope wouldn't work right.

Frank Thomas only jogs on the basepaths because if he tried to run, he would put more spin on the earth than a Barry Zito curveball has, and it would hurtle off its axis and spin across the universe.

A pitcher once struck out Frank Thomas, but the next time up Frank hit a ball off of him so hard that it tore through the space-time continuum, went back in time and struck the pitcher's father in the head, killing him before the pitcher could be concieved, therefore the strike out never happened. That is why there is no mention of it in the record books.

"the reason why hitting the ball on the "sweet spot" of the bat feels so good is that the ball is contacting at the bat at a vibrational node." - salb918

by McFood on Jul 5, 2006 10:52 AM PDT reply actions

good ones

i loved your comments.especially the last one. lol

by smasfan on Jul 5, 2006 11:04 AM PDT reply actions

The leading causes of death in the U.S. are

Heart Disease
Frank Thomas foul balls
Cancer

The chief export of Frank Thomas is homeruns.

Frank Thomas is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right biceps.

When Frank Thomas does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Another project of Devo's

by devo on Jul 5, 2006 12:22 PM PDT reply actions

Heh

Frank Thomas only pretends to be injured because he doesn't want to damage Nick Swisher's ego by hitting more home runs than him this year.

Frank Thomas stole a base. Once. He ripped it right out of the ground and brought it home, where it's sitting in his trophy room with all of his MVP and Silver Slugger trophies.

Frank Thomas wanted to work with Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's, on a promotion. In addition to the "Single", "Double", and "Triple" burgers, they were going to offer a four-patty "Big Hurt". Frank Thomas nixed the deal because he thought a full-pound burger was too small.

Marinerds - a different daily dose of baseblog.

by Deanna on Jul 5, 2006 12:35 PM PDT reply actions

Nice, pbruins

Frank Thomas is forbidden to steal another base because the force of his motion causes a ripple in space fabric, potentially drawing all matter to a catastrophic ending in fire.

Frank Thomas looked too hard at Jay Witasick's ankle and brought the crushing force of gravity down upon it. Jay described the feeling as "It's got to the equivalent of giving birth out your ankle."

Frank Thomas once swatted a fly so hard the fly flew into next week and Frank swatted it again. This created a paradox so great that the fly just never existed at all.

"I've heard the hangovers are worse." -Zito on high altitude

by Squeaky on Jul 5, 2006 2:11 PM PDT reply actions

One time, after an intentional walk...

instead of the bat, Frank Thomas snapped the pitcher in two over his knee.

"the reason why hitting the ball on the "sweet spot" of the bat feels so good is that the ball is contacting at the bat at a vibrational node." - salb918

by McFood on Jul 5, 2006 2:27 PM PDT reply actions