Frank Thomas hit a ball so hard that it drilled a hole through the mound and popped out the other side.

Rich Harden is on the DL because Frank Thomas gave him a high five.

Remember how in Major League, Sorano rubbed hi bat with a voodoo doll to give him power? Nick Swishers bat touched Frank Thomas' bicep, that explains all the home runs.

Steve Yzerman saw Frank hit a 500ft home run and retired saying "I can die in peace now"

Frank Thomas hits exploding baseballs into the air every July Fourth to appease the gods. Humans call these shows "fireworks".

When Esteban Loaiza tried to impress the clubhouse by crushing a bear can on his head Frank Thomas responded by crushing a keg bewtween his pink and thumb.

Frank thomas once misunderstood when Whitesox Gm Kenny Williams told him that he would have "to carry the team to the next level". Kenny meant the playoffs. Frank thought he meant upstairs and carried all 25 guys up a flight of stairs, on his back.

Sammy Sosa never took steroids, however he once drank from the same cup as Frank Thomas.

Billy Beane has been kn own to throw chairs when he is angry. Frank Thomas doesn't get angry, he turns any hateful feelings into muscle. Frank Thomas is a hateful man.

Frank Thomas once hit a home run so far that the official scorer deemed it appropriate to count it twice.

Frank Thomas is a DH because the A's don't want the opposition to have the privilege to talk to him at first base.

And Finnally, frank Thomas stole a base....once.