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Scutaro for Catcher: An immodest proposal

I don't know whether this will make it into the link dump later today or not, but it's really got me thinking.  According to Yahoo's recap of yesterday's game, Macha approached Scutaro about filling in for Kendall if he gets suspended:


C Adam Melhuse got the start to give a day off to Jason Kendall, who had been getting days off on the starting day of RHP Esteban Loaiza. Manager Ken Macha spoke to Melhuse, who said he caught Kirk Saarloos the most during his 39 games played in 2005. Macha also was anticipating a suspension for Kendall, who charged the mound after nearly being hit by a pitch from John Lackey, triggering a bench-clearing fight Tuesday against the Angels. "I'm going to say there's going to be a suspension. I asked (Marco) Scutaro if he could catch and he started saying something in Spanish I couldn't understand," Macha said.

Now, I'm sure that many of you dismissed this as some kind of (thin) form of humor.  Bear with me for a minute as I demonstrate that the only flaw with this idea is that it doesn't go far enough!

First of all, consider the advantages.  With Scutaro catching, we know that we will always have him in the lineup to deliver those clutch hits that he mysteriously seems to find with the game on the line.  

Second, the chances of getting a home run from our catcher would increase dramatically.  In fact, assuming identical production this year as last, the ratio of expected Scooter homers to expected Kendall homers is so large that it is undefined!

There are even more compelling reasons to use Scutaro as our catcher.  Might not his mysterious ability to come through in the clutch also translate into defensive skill?  With Scutaro calling games for our pitchers, we might very well see an increase in critical strikeouts from our bullpen and rotation.  Not only that, he might actually throw out a baserunner or two.  

Now, I'm sure some of you are thinking, "But has Scooter every actually been a catcher?  Could he handle a new position?"  Let me point out that Scooter has played practically every other position, already.  He's played in both the infield and outfield and handled the job okay.  
If we have any player who is flexible enough to make the switch to Catcher, it is the player whose name starts with "Marco" and ends with "Scutaro."

However, having carefully considered this option, I have come to the conclusion that it has one fatal flaw: it doesn't go far enough.  Sure Kendall hasn't been as hot as we would have liked.  But he does an adequate job and we have a far more glaring hole: our starting rotation.

Now, several players have made the switch from pitching to hitting and vice-versa and a few have done so successfully.  Given his amazing flexibility and renowned clutchiness, why not give Scutaro a shot at the #5 spot?  (Clearly, Saarloos is our #4).  He certainly couldn't perform worse than Loaiza and this would allow us to save a roster spot.  Since Scutaro could split time between the pitching mound and second base, we could still spell Ellis occasionally and also bring up Jeremy Brown to be our catcher.  For that matter, we could give Perez more opportunities to show his stuff.

While I'm sure there will be objections to this very sensible and straightforward change, I really only see one remaining difficulty:

Is it possible that it would be even better to make Scutaro the manager?

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A clone army of Scutaros
In moneyball, we had a hypothetical team of 9 Hattebergs, maybe what we actually need is a real team of 9 Scutaros?

We'd probably take a bit of a hit on defense though - compared to the starters at his usual positions (SS, 2B), his range is a bit lacking... but there are ways around that. We'd have to come up with some way to convince our clone army of Scutaros that every at bat was actually taking place in the 9th inning with the game winning run at second...

Think about it, we'd be unstoppable. Once we conquered baseball, we could use his "clutch" (er, um, disc brakes) to take on other sports - football, basketball, curling, sumo wrestling, you name it!

All we need is a cloner and some way to distort a person's perception of reality - let's get on this right away!

by RickeySteals on May 5, 2006 1:04 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Now there's an idea I can subscribe to!
And it can't be too hard to turn Huston from a closer into a cloner!

by atomopawn on May 5, 2006 3:08 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

'All we need is a cloner...
and some way to distort a person's perception of reality...'

I posess such powers. However, I've sworn an oath to use my powers only for evil, not good, therefore, I'm sorry, but I can't help you out.

If you wanted to clone an army of Scutaros to take over the world, well, we might be able to work something out. But once again, ultimately, the goal has to be an evil one, so we can't use our army of Scutaro clones to take over the world, and then rule benevolently. We'd have to rule with an iron fist and show no mercy, or I'm right out. And no switching horses in mid-stream. God, I can't stand that type of behavior! If you try to pull something like that, I'm gonna stop the car and turn it right around, and make things like it never happened. Don't forget who's got the cosmic powers here, ok?

Ok, shoot me an email and we'll do lunch.

And no vegan places, sheesh!

In defense of the Einar Diaz trade, his stats are very good. He has an excellent vowel/consonant ratio.

by McFood on May 5, 2006 8:42 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

First the World Series...
Then the Super Bowl, the Olympics and the World Cup...

Then... the WORLD!

I'm in, let's make this happen. I'd be happy with your evil dominance of the world via an army of cloned Scutaros if it means we win the World Series. Some people might think that's too high of a cost. I think these are people without vision. Clearly, some things in life are worthy of sacrifice.

by RickeySteals on May 5, 2006 11:55 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

I hope we see this on the next ANtics!
Ron Washington: Thinking outside of the three-sided box since 1977

by tankerraid on May 5, 2006 12:22 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

that is if
you don't see it in Doonesbury first!

by rubin sierra on May 5, 2006 1:04 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

ROTFL
Scutaro for GM! Watch out Selig, Scoot's going for your job, and then for the Presidency. (The consitutional ammend they want to let the Governator serve is really for Scoot.  

by Bambi on May 5, 2006 6:29 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

What Macha didn't understand...
What's Spanish for "hot little piece of Venezuelan man candy"?
"I hate you." - Jennifer

by ArakSOT on May 5, 2006 7:00 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

I don't know, but...
...if you put it through Babel Fish (English-to-Spanish), and then put the result back through (Spanish-to-English), you get small hot piece of the Venezuelan caramel of the man.
I just gave birth to twins!!! JayPay and Joe K. are the fathers!!!! ~~ McFood

by Poppy on May 5, 2006 7:03 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

lol
White cleats = pure, unadulterated SEX. --Kyli

by Sharon on May 5, 2006 8:13 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

"caramel of the man"?
Euphemism?
"I hate you." - Jennifer

by ArakSOT on May 5, 2006 8:32 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

man-nougat
I just gave birth to twins!!! JayPay and Joe K. are the fathers!!!! ~~ McFood

by Poppy on May 5, 2006 8:38 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

eeeew,
Ron Washington: Thinking outside of the three-sided box since 1977

by tankerraid on May 5, 2006 8:49 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

I love crazy games.
You know, the ones where something goes terribly wrong and everyone has to play a weird position. Chavy in LF or SS. Melhuse at third. MaEl at first. Scoot in the OF. Jermaine Dye at SS. :)

by Jennifer on May 5, 2006 7:31 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Menechino on the mound
I just gave birth to twins!!! JayPay and Joe K. are the fathers!!!! ~~ McFood

by Poppy on May 5, 2006 7:34 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Macha as DH?

by richharden40 on May 5, 2006 7:42 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Last week...
...during the A's "pregame warmup" on TV, there was a slow shot of Haren that began as an extreme close-up of his initials stitched on his glove...  and my first thought was "Who's that, and why would a DH need a glove?"
I just gave birth to twins!!! JayPay and Joe K. are the fathers!!!! ~~ McFood

by Poppy on May 5, 2006 8:22 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Macha as GM?
<runs to wall and bangs head repeatedly>
<Insert angry hockey players with no teeth>-AsGirl

by ohad on May 5, 2006 8:15 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Sorry for a Dodger reference
but when I was an undergrad at UCLA I remember watching a 21 inning Astros v Dodgers game (on a 15" B&W TV) where by the end of the game Eddie Murray was playing 3B, Fernando Valenzuela was playing 1B and Jeff Hamilton (the Dodger 3Bmen) was on the hill and pitched 3 scoreless innings before finally giving up the game in his 4th inning of work.  The really funny part was just how genuinely pissed Hamilton looked when he allowed a run -- and he was actually throwing it up there at 90+ MPH.  Fun stuff.

by AsFanInLA on May 5, 2006 8:35 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Wow.
Box score and pxp.  Crazy game!
Can intangibles exist? Only the ones you can touch.

by salb918 on May 5, 2006 11:18 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Sucky Reference
Only because Scioscia was in that game!
"I turned around and saw there were a couple of Oakland fans...I think they might have held the other fans off."Jay Pay

by 510inDenver on May 5, 2006 3:05 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

careful what u wish for
The Kansas City A's once put Bert Campaneris at all nine positions in a game as a stunt. He managed to do fine pitching the eighth. unfortunately, he got slid into in the ninth when he was playing catcher, hurt his hand and was out the rest of the season (it was September anyhow).  

by vk on May 5, 2006 7:49 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Yeah I remember that...
Bert Campaneris played all nine postions in that game. Being ambidextrous, he also pitched right and left handed.
It's Lehmer's Concord Pontiac GMC Broadcast booth!

by OaktownRajah on May 5, 2006 10:01 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Wow.
I thought you were going to suggest that Scutaro eat the rest of the organization in order to power his own one-man major league team.

He could pitch, catch himself, play outfield AND infield, bat all nine positions, give himself signs to steal while he bats, wave himself home, slap his own hand when he wins, before going on the road he could pack and carry his own bags to the plane (which he pilots himself while bringing himself sodas and snacks). . . he could give interviews to the media about how he is going to bench himself in favor of himself for this game... he could call the game for the radio side WHILE PLAYING the game... (true "from the field" perspective... a panting Scutaro screaming "I'm rounding third and waving myself home! I score! I score!")

... Oh, I'm sorry, was I dreaming there? I seem to have drooled all over my keyboard....

Ron Washington: Thinking outside of the three-sided box since 1977

by tankerraid on May 5, 2006 7:50 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Reminds me of the cartoon with Bugs Bunny
Now pitching Scutaro...playing first base Scutaro...second base Scutaro...third base Scutaro...
This ain't no party. This ain't no disco.

by franks a lot on May 5, 2006 8:31 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Funny!
I could not stop laughing!  My co-workers think I'm crazy (they are probably right).

by twinkle toes on May 5, 2006 8:47 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Oh, man!
The possibilities are endless!  I imagine that by eating his teammates (not to mention his coaches, employers and all A's employees) Scutaro would absorb their abilities, the way Agent Smith does in the Matrix sequels.  

How about if Scutaro went into the stands and ate the fans--then he would do the wave for himself during games he was playing in!  

Hmm, there's a knock at my door.  Come on in!  Marco Scutaro!  Oh, no!  Scutaro, no, stop, I'm too young to die!  AAAAAAAHHHHH!

by rubin sierra on May 5, 2006 1:13 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Scutaro for...
Scutaro for Manager let's "FIRE MACHA NOW"

by AAAAAces on May 5, 2006 2:10 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

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