Link Dump 5-22 Cliff Notes, by Jerry Springer

Some days, you dump links.  And on some days, the links dump YOU.  And then there are days like today, when the dumps and the links are so prolific and brilliant as to be indistinguishable, as they fly by like planes overrun by mice, snakes, dinosoars, albatrosses, obliques, Larry Davis clones and dead parrots.  Today was one of those days.  In a nutshell ...

Injuries were a main theme of the day--X-rays were posted, but whose were they?  Barbaro's?  Adam Melhuse's, the victim of an attack by Jason Kendall?  Kendall's defenders charged the mound in anger at these accusations, and those passions were re-lived all over again.  At the end of all that, sal declared the link dump itself to be day-to-day; which, in A's-management parlance, very-well might mean "dead."  Is the link-dump dead?  Or just pinin'?  A visit to your Monte Python on-line library was in order, for the uninitiated (with credit for posting those libraries going to Apricot and Poppy).  Jeepers took momentary offense at the slight to his dump, and when let in on the joke, he said--buy a round of ponies for everyone!

Then came important news--tonight, presumably at the regular mouse-time and the regular mouse-channel, there will be a TV-news story about 1,000 mice that infested a single passenger plane.  Some whistle-blower (squeaker?) wore a hidden camera on a plane.  In response to this, various graphic images of mice on planes were posted (very hideous images; not for the faint of heart), and then came images of mice on an ALBATROSS, and then it was discussed what FLAVOR the albatross might be (Monte Python, again).  Then came a plan to introduce entire ecosystems of predators onto the plane to eradicate the mice.  Essential to this plan are, inter alia, mongeese (is that the plural for mongoose?), tapirs and binturongs.  For a while, this could only be discussed while using slight variations on lyrics from "Don't Fear the Reaper," a song by a band whose name contains the word "Oyster".  Oysters were not considered as potential predators to use on the plane.

Pictures of SF Giant players touching fingers and looking like ET inexplicably led to some exchange about one college banning the Gleek system because they were "offended by guys biting the heads off of chlickens."  Somebody please explain this one to me.  Then jlaff, studying for an econ test asked for an explanation of economies of scale, which sal cruelly refused to do unless and until 50 other people asked for a similar explanation.  Eventually this discussion led to talk of how Wal-Mart is able to use e-o-s's to put video-lingerie-gun stores out of business.  While Monkeyball chose about this moment to turn on a mass-pants-pooping machine, it was Sal who was minutes later promoted to Lord Poopyhead.  

It was around this time that people began to realize that the thread had made it to a wildly high number of comments, most of them short and sweet.  Freak flags were unfurled, then dismissed as just a case of the Mondays--a case which was then broken, which it was agreed would never have happened if it weren't for that blundering trainer Larry Davis.  Later attempts to start more-earnest discussion were energetically resisted, much to the disappointment of Chris Mabeus fans everywhere.  The mf'in freaks would not get off the mf'in bus, instead partying to the tunes of Rick James.  Wonder Years and then Wonder Woman (eating wonder bread) were then somehow invoked.

Eventually, many casualties and mound-chargings later, Apricot started a new link-dump thread, which served one principal purpose:  There jeepers linked DLD followers to the "Swisher called me sweetie" diary, which turns into a mf-in hilarious conversation between californiagirl and rookieoftheyear.  See, californiagirl is convinced that she is NOT actually A's middle-reliever Jay Witasick.  Rookieoftheyear, on the other hand, is quite certain that californiagirl IS Jay Witasick.  It's quickly becoming one of the most important issues of our time, and I would pay $50 pay-per-view to see a televised debate between the parties.  

If you've got time, go check out the entire DLD; it is AN at its freakiest, and if you like to get you're freak on, I think you'll enjoy the ride.  Until next time, be kind to yourselves ... and each other.