FanPost

DLD 5/22/06 (continued)

You people are sick.  I'm taking the CGV hit, just because Jeepers couldn't keep his Dump under control.

PRALINE    Hello, I wish to register a complaint... Hello? Miss?
SHOPKEEPER    What do you mean, miss?
PRALINE    Oh, I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint.
SHOPKEEPER    Sorry, we're closing for lunch.
PRALINE    Never mind that my lad, I wish to make a complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
SHOPKEEPER    Oh yes, the Norwegian Blue. What's wrong with it?
PRALINE    I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what wrong with it.
SHOPKEEPER    No, no it's resting, look!
PRALINE    Look my lad, I know a dead parrot when I see one and I'm looking at one right now.
SHOPKEEPER    No, no sir, it's not dead. It's resting.
PRALINE    Resting?
SHOPKEEPER    Yeah, remarkable bird the Norwegian Blue, beautiful plumage, innit?
PRALINE    The plumage don't enter to it - it's stone dead.
SHOPKEEPER    No, no - it's just resting.
PRALINE    All right then, if it's resting I'll wake it up. (shouts into cage) Hello Polly! I've got a nice cuttlefish for you when you wake up, Polly Parrot!
SHOPKEEPER    (jogging cage) There it moved.
PRALINE    No he didn't. That was you pushing the cage.
SHOPKEEPER    I did not.
PRALINE    Yes, you did. (takes parrot out of cage, shouts) Hello Polly, Polly (bangs it against counter) Polly Parrot, wake up. Polly. (throws it in the air and lets it fall to the floor) Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
SHOPKEEPER    No, no it's stunned.
PRALINE    Look my lad, I've had just enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased. And when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its lack of movement wad due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk.
SHOPKEEPER    It's probably pining for the fiords.
PRALINE    Pining for the fiords, what kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got home?
SHOPKEEPER    The Norwegian Blue prefers kipping on its back. Beautiful bird, lovely plumage.
PRALINE    Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot, and I discovered that the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there.
SHOPKEEPER    Well of course it was nailed there. Otherwise it would muscle up to those bars and voom.
PRALINE    Look matey (picks up parrot) this parrot wouldn't voom if I put four thousand volts through it. It's bleeding demised.
SHOPKEEPER    It's not, it's pining.
PRALINE    It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.
SHOPKEEPER    Well, I'd better replace it then.

Shopkeeper +0.549 Praline -0.230 Norwegian Blue -0.319
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