So RevHaloHomer posted a front pager on the regularly mocked and always derided Halos' Heaven tonight, taking great glee and making great predictions for the 2006 season based on the fact that the A's split squad managed just one hit against the Cubbies yesterday.
Of course, across Arizona, the other A's squad beat the tar out of the Mariners, 20-8, but the LAAAAAAA folks would prefer to point out that Richie Robnett and Korey Wayment couldn't muster a hit against big league pitching. I guess they figure the (AA) next to Robnett's name means "Angeles Angels".
Here's a sample of what passes for informed debate on the Rally Monkey end of town:Lick your Pecota Popsicle over Casey Kotchman's low sample size of at-bats making him appear as a minor leaguer to your computer, never once thinking that Mark Ellis will never repeat a 125 VORP... (he can't, he won't, he's average and regressing to the mean by the minute),
Pretend that Kelvim Escobar's removed bone spurs were just the beginning and that Milton Bradley's pinkie and Eric ShuhVEZ' shoulder are made of precisely aligned titanium...
Assume Garret Anderson is 33 going on 44 while you wait for Bobby Crosby and Rich Harden to each play one measly healthy season.
Make a Bartolo fat joke while you ignore a lead-footed gallon of molasses on the basepaths in all their green-and-gold-double-play-waiting-to-happen-glory...
The Oakychoaky Februaries have been celebrating their 2006 World Championship for the month of Predictionary. As the new season dawns, there's holes in their swings, aches in their arms and the issue of clubhouse chemistry is still taboo on stat-team island.
Maybe the OakChoke Nation better start composing rationalizations for their impending failure now and test them as April trial balloons after each early loss in order to remain "On-Message" when the Billy Beane Disco Ball lights up an empty Autumn dance floor...
Oh, such mirth. Oh, such homerism.
Here's what PastorRallyMonkey won't talk about:
- The Seattle destruction - 20-8 is a beatdown of mammoth proportions, especially when your split squad is playing their FULL squad.
- It's SPRING TRAINING - when you start putting big credence in spring training split squad results, you're really stretching.
- Anyone remember this game on Thursday, where the awesome AAAA grouping of Kiko Calero, John Rheinecker, Juan Cruz, Jorge Casilla, Ron Flores and Dan Meyer shoved The Angels Angels of Anaheim (English translation) into the loss column?
- On the same day the Rev was crowing about the A's split squad loss, the Angles were getting their asses handed to them by the Arizona SPLIT SQUAD. Eric Byrnes even hit a dinger!
- Was that the ROYALS beating the LAAAAAAAAAA (to the power of 3) full team 5-1 on Friday?
- The Angles play the Mariners today. anything less than a 12-run victory for the Darin Erstad Stalingrad IX will be something we can laugh at since, you know, we suck and all, yet we beat the M's 20-8.
But the cell-phone chattering, Rally Monkey clutching, grit-espousing Disneyland Cupids of Anaheim will continue to blah blah about how the fact that Two Buck Chuck Thomas didn't manage a hit today, and Bobby Kielty only got two walks in three plate appearances, and AA-based Richie Robnett didn't score a run, is an indicator that Oakland will fade in the stretch.
All together now... BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!
UPDATE: At 11:20am, there were 33 comments on the Rev's diary, about half mocking him for his ridiculous commentary, and the other half him trying to make witty retorts.
At 11:37am, 30 of those comments were deleted, leaving only those supporting the Rev visible. Welcome to free speech, Halos style.
Throwing red meat to his idiot brethren (13 votes)
Unworthy of the energy it takes to hold his atoms togethers (4 votes)
Nailed his sister. She said I was better than him. (20 votes)
All of the above, and many more besides. (55 votes)
Homer (11 votes)
Moron (13 votes)
Mentally unhinged (6 votes)
122 total votes