Dear Mr. Beane and Mr. Wolff:
With current bench coach Bob Geren being named new A's manager, I would like to submit my resume for Oakland Athletics' Bench Coach, 2007.
I have been a long time Oakland A's fan and would be honored to be with the club in its last few years in Oakland. Should my performance so dictate, I would also be willing to become a member of the San Jose Athletics of Silicon Valley located in Fremont, California, United States of America, Planet Earth.
For the last three years, I have managed Little League baseball and am therefore used to being around young, talented kids who don't make a hella lot of money. As a Little League coach of the younger leagues, I am also used to not having the same group of players for more than a year at a time and since Little Leaguers aren't allowed to steal bases until the ball reaches the catcher, I typically do not steal many bases.
Furthermore, I've watch enough of my favorite players get traded, injured, or shown the door that it wouldn't even cause me to flinch. I mean, hey, if you think trading Harden and Swisher for five guys no one's ever heard of will help this club make the play offs, then I'm all for it. Afterall, were not in Fremont yet, right?
And, perhaps best of all, it's not like A's fans, players and media are ever going to be questioning the genius of Billy Beane for letting me go to a division rival. Hell, I'm so much an A's fan, that if I ever did manage against you guys, I'd throw those games!
Add to that my willingness to be your puppet, er, field general and I think I'm exactly what you're looking for in a puppet, (man why does that word keep coming up?) I mean, bench coach, of course!
Still not interested Mr. Wolff, Mr. Beane? Okay, how's this for Oakland propaganda: Frank Thomas and Barry Zito will not be missed because a healthy 2007 Bobby Crosby and Barton/Johnson/et all combo will be far better than a 2006 Thomas/Scutaro combination. Moreover, a healthy 2007 Harden/Williams will fair much better than a 2006 Zito/replacement starter. How's that for drinking the kool-aid baby?
In closing, I know that I don't have any major league experience what so ever, but if experience was what you were going for, you would've hired Wash or Orel, right? Now where does one submit his resume?