This thread is based on an email chain that's been flying around the internet for months now (about Chuck Norris). Hero worship regarding Billy Beane is nothing new on this site.  Now it's time to have a little fun with it... feel free to play along.

The chief export of Billy Beane is wins

Billy Beane could assemble a division winner with $10 and a rack of PBR

Billy Beane doesn't "draft" players.  He "blesses" them.

Billy Bean's tears cure cancer.  Too bad he has never cried.

Billy Beane would have traded for Babe Ruth and prospects.

Billy Beane can divide by 0.

Billy Beane sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled General Manager ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Billy tricked the devil into trading him his soul back in exchange for Mark Teahan and Carlos Pena. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Eric Byrnes is Billy Beane's inner child come to life.

Billy Beane's favorite color is "Opposing GM Red" (the color of any GM's face mid season following a trade with Beane).

If Billy Beane had negotiated the Louisiana Purchase he would have received the French territory of Lousiniana, the French Riviera, and the rights to French toast and French fries.

Q: In a fight between God and Beane, who would win?
A: Trick Question: Beane is God

In grade school Billy Beane once traded Brian Sabean a bag of brussel sprouts for the rights to his next 5 lunches after convincing Sabean to adopt an "eat now" philosophy.

If Beane were in Abe Lincoln's shoes, John Wilkes Booth would have given him his wallet, the deed to his house, and then turned himself in.

In 1975, a sexually frustrated Billy Beane molested a cup of New England Clam Chowder.  9 months later, Theo Epstein was born.

Billy Beane has purposefully thrown the last 4 playoff series in order to buy him time to stockpile all the crow he plans to serve to his nay-sayers.

Billy Beane would agree this joke is getting old... but would have fun with it anyway.