Earlier this yeah I had a blind White Sox fan behind me. He was listening to the game on radio and whenever it sounded like a close call against the White Sox he would complain that the umpire needed glasses and things like that.

I usually get right in front of old people that have no idea what they're talking about but they love talking. Like this guy earlier goes "Yeah, they traded for Street because he didn't play for the Rivercats last year"

"We didn't buy the World Series. I mean, think about it: Jeter and Rivera were both home grown.

This wasn't something I heard, but rather something I saw.  At the Sunday A's-Giants game we won 16-0 at the Coliseum, there was a girl probably in her 20s with a sign that said, "Pitch to Barry."  She was quite proud of it.  I should have asked her if Zito was gonna be DHing today.

one: "Send him back to Sacramento"
two: "Hatteberg would have made that play"
i guess this proves some A's fans dont know what they are talking about as well.

I'm probably personally responsible for most of the stupidest things I've heard at the ballpark -- I have a lot of in-jokes about the players with my family and friends, and some of them are highly attached in superstition. Insulting Melhuse when I'm there results in him getting an extra-base hit, and I can't knock the luck. :-)

Most annoying thing I've heard was during a D-rays/A's game, where a Yankee fan was annoying everyone by discussing the Yankees the whole time, before going into a fit because the Devil Rays walked three guys, and then Huddy walked someone.

"This isn't baseball! I want my money back, this isn't baseball! How are they walking guys? Why don't they play a REAL game out here in Oakland?"

Other dumbest thing I heard, courtesy of a Giants fan who wanted be a tough guy during the '04 series: "Well, if it'd hadn't been for the earthquake, we woulda won the series, and you all know it!"

The sad thing is I can't remember most of them. There was one right before the all-star break and the poll question they had on Diamond-vision was whose BBQ would you rather go to, Byrnes or Zito? The girls behind me were talking about it and one said, "Zito is a Republican and that scares me."

I was walking by the gigantic coke last year during the A's Giants series and heard some giants fan say:

"I used to be a Sharks fan, but now I'm a Chipper Jones fan!"

"Let's start the wave!"

Nothing is stupider.

My daughters and I went to a game and were seated in front of the world's worst baseball drunk. Before the game started he demanded that the girls remove their hats for the Nat'l Anthem... which afterwards I found out only guys should do, not gals.

Anyway, he made a scene (during the Anthem) and we had to call security, and I'm thinking to myself, "Great - not even the first pitch and this will be the worst game ever."

But things settled down and this guy's antics turned into the joke of the year for us.

He started dozing about the 2nd inning and would wake occasionally to provide 5 second delays to whatever chant the crowd was doing. He'd call out the craziest things - when Jermaine Dye came to the plate he'd hollar, "Be germane Jermaine!"

The capper was when he left (about the 7th inning) he just about dropped the contents of the bag he was carrying, which revealed a bunch of porn magazines... unbelieveable.

My daughters and I still laugh about that one - best/worst game we ever went to.

Be germane Jermaine!

that he is truly a professional when it comes to fielding the ball and throwing to second (July 2, I think)

"What's wrong with Tadahito?"

He's Japanese!

Stupid or funny, depending on who's listening.

Three friends of mine and I went to an Indianapolis Indians game in 2002.  We were sitting 5 rows behind the Charlotte Knights dugout.  One of my buddies and I decide to pick out a player on the Knights to heckle for the whole game.  We decided on the RF, number 13(can't remember his name).  We rode him all game, eventually getting our entire section to heckle him.  He went 0-6 with 5K's, striking out his last three plates appearances and throwing all kinds of stuff around in the dugout.  Near the end of the game, we had given the Knights so much grief that actually THREW trash and sunflower seeds in to the stands at us.

Having said that, the best moment happened right after that.  An extremely drunk women in the front row, who was hit by some of the trash, stands up and yells "Oh yeah?  Take this!"  She proceeds to throw her beer STRAIGHT up into the air landing all over her and her boyfriend.  He looked at her, told her she was an idiot, and LEFT her at the park.

On a side note, Willie Harris single handedly kept Charlotte in the game going 5-6 with 2 doubles, and homerun, 2 RBI, 4 runs, and 2 stolen bases.  Amazing performance.

It was the first game back at the coliseum after the A's had clinched the division on the road, and a family shows up with Dad, Mom, and two sons.  The mom is one of those really frail people who has to announce to everyone within a 15 foot circumference that she's just had some surgery and to please be careful when near her ankles.  Uh... yeah.  I'll be sure to do that.  
Anywho, about the 4th inning, she starts asking her husband what an "August Ball Strike Out" is.  Like really demanding an answer from the poor guy, but of course he has no clue what she's talking about.  So she asks her sons, the guys next to them, the people in front of them, and finally my friend sitting next to her, "Can you tell me what an August Ball Strike Out is???"  My friend says, "What are you talking about?", and she points to the scoreboard above left field.  "Right there!  It says August Ball Strike Out!"

It was a graphic for the player's average, the ball/strike count, and the number of outs:

AVG    BALL    STRIKE    OUT

She thought the avg. was short for August.

Whew.  Some people probably shouldn't breed.

Two years ago, I was down at Spring Training.  We went to see the A's play the Cubs.

For those of you who've not been, I think that the Cubs have more fans at Spring Training than the Diamondbacks do.  Even when it isn't a Cubs game, it's just a sea of blue and red.

So, we are sitting in the stands.  And there's this girl behind me...you know the one...she is talking INCESSANTLY about NOTHING.  She was obviously trying to impress the guys that she was with by showing them how very very much she knew about baseball.  For the record, what she knew about baseball amounted to slightly less than I know about using urinals.

So she is chattering on, and the entire section (including her boyfriend) is ready to kill her.  "I know [this] about baseball, and I know [that] about baseball...and I know that it's rare for a girl to know all that I know about baseball, but I'm just super spiffy special!!!"

Grr.

Anyway, they get to announcing the lineups, and they are going through the Cubbies.  Finally, the announcer says, "And pitching for the Cubs....KERRY WOOD!!!!" and the crowd goes nuts.

As the sound is starting to die down, the chick behind me says, "Who the [bleep] is Kerry Wood...and why the [bleep] are they letting HIM pitch???"

In what was not actually unison, but it sounds better for the story, so...in perfect unison the entire section (which was about 85% Cubs fans) turns and looks at her like rabid dogs.  I had serious doubts about her making out of there alive.  Unfortunately, she was unscathed...but had every single one of Wood's stats quoted to her in less-than-friendly tones, ad infinitum.  I think she walked out of there knowing his shoe size.

Now, the story has been recounted enough times that it's this Pavlovian response amongst my group of friends.  Any time we hear someone mention Wood, one or many of us will bust out with, "Who the [bleep] is Kerry Wood?!?!?!????"

some drunk heckler in the LF bleachers:
"Hey Piatt! I'm starting you in my fantasy league this week... so don't get hurt!!"

I thought that was pretty funny.

Earlier this year, when Chavy was batting so far below the Mendoza Line he struck out for the third time in a game. Someone from the stands yells out, "Hey Chavy! Get off your knees cause you're blowing the game!"

I flew up to Oakland this weekend to see the A's n' Texas.  Right before Mench came to the plate in the eighth inning of Friday's game, the idiot behind me looks up at the scoreboard and says:

"Hey, Zito's got a no-hitter goin'!"

He was there the whole game, right behind me and he doesn't notice the no-no until the eighth?  Of course, Mench hits the next pitch out of the park.

Again, I say...idiot.

After an A's/Red Sox game (this May). The A's had just lost, and I was standing on the very crowded BART platform. This enormous Boston fan--decked out in full regalia--is pushing his way through the crowd to try and get on the Richmond train first. Very irritated, he exclaims "This would never happen in Boston", so I (slightly inebriated and upset over the blown game) say "So why don't you stay in fucking Boston". I was never happier that I was a little drunk---and I'm a girl so I knew he wouldn't kick my ass.

Oh, and there is this guy who sometimes sits right behind me in 317, and yells at the players ALL THE TIME. Get a hit, Kendall, blah blah blah. And every single time an opposing player is up, even before the first pitch is thrown "Strike em out Rich", "Strike em out Barry" (even if the counts 3-0, or in a situation where a DP would be better). If only I could remember earplugs...

"Go back to the bay area!" -Giants fan to me at A's-G's game in May

"Shut your little mouth!"- Nasty old lady to me when I protested her assumption that, apparently, nobody should speak louder than a whisper at a ballgame.

"Wait, are we winning?"- Some lady to her equally clueless date at Friday's game. They talked about how much their houses cost for five innings straight.

"J.T. Snow would have caught that."- Annoying lady at the beerfest game listening to the Giants game through the whole A's game. Pleasure to note that the Giants lost that day.

"Kielty sucks. Give me Ginter any day."- Random dumb ass guy. I think Kielty came up and hit an RBI double right after that comment.