Top 10 Things Never Said On The A's

by EastBayTeam on Jun 20, 2005 3:44 PM PDT Comment 42 comments

"Hey Zito, you think you can pitch the 9th, too?"
"Way to nail him at second, Kendall!"
"Awesome break on the ball, Byrnesey!"
"Hey Kotsay, sometimes it's better to just play it off the wall."
"Cruz is just dealing tonight!"
"In checking the rulebook, I learned that it's possible to get a runner home from 3rd with less than 2 outs by hitting a ball deep enough to the outfield and having the runner tag 3rd and go home before the throw reaches the plate."
"Curt Young, you are a genius!"
"Dude, the players just love Macha -- they'd do anything for him."
"If only Mecir were still here to shut them down in the 8th."
"Once again, Chavy, you totally came through for us."

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#5

I saw that happen on Saturday. I shit my pants.

by AlwaysSweatin on Jun 20, 2005 4:04 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

I disagree on #1

Chavy has come through for the A's -- at times.

The miserable have no other medicine but only hope. ~William Shakespeare

by AsGirl on Jun 20, 2005 4:07 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

#1

You can say that Chavy has come through for the A's, but you would never say that "once again" he comes through. Hence, #1.

by EastBayTeam on Jun 20, 2005 4:14 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

So ridiculous.

Bring back Hammer.

by OaktownPower on Jun 20, 2005 5:11 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

The replies to all 10...

"...Sure, no problem at all. So who's gonna pitch the first 3 innings?"
"...except the guy was stealing third, Jason."
"...after you started back on it, that is."
"...speaking of 'off the wall'--have you seen Byrnesy?"
"...and it makes those rain-delay poker games go by a lot faster."
"...You don't also have to touch home plate, do you?"
"...Now if you can just apply that to coaching the pitchers."
"...except play fundamental baseball, that is."
"...then someone could come in and get the other two outs in the 8th."
"Now we're going to make you a complete asset to the team and just remove your vocal cords before the press arrives, ok?"

Nico

by Nico on Jun 20, 2005 4:21 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Actually, the response to #9 was:

"nobody lays down a bunt double on me."

by iceplant on Jun 20, 2005 4:43 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

You must have overheard those quotes

in my A's Imagination Land where the team won 4 straight World Series, from 2000 to 2003. Nice replies.

by EastBayTeam on Jun 20, 2005 4:35 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

The foul room at the Coliseum is so constricting!
And with just three more outs, Glynn has a perfect game!
"Nah, I'll pass on seconds, I'm on Adkins." - Joe Blanton
"Wash, call for Ruby to steal home!" - Ken Macha

"My motto is I'm fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet." - David Wells

by JLaff on Jun 20, 2005 4:44 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

re

"Wash, call for Ruby to steal home!" - Ken Macha

>>>well thats something I hope is never heard!

by Alien on Jun 20, 2005 4:45 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Honorable Mentions

"Way to fleece the Braves, Billy!"
"Hank Greenberg just bleeds green and gold."
"Kuiper, you're picking up this play-by-play thing so quickly!"
"I'll have to get to the Coliseum really early if I want to get a Kendall bobblehead."
"I brought my family here for the game, not Pyrospectacular."

by EastBayTeam on Jun 20, 2005 5:00 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

re: #4

Right, because everybody who gets a bobblehead is an A's fan, and particularly a fan of whichever player whose bobblehead is being featured that day... ;)

by Poppy on Jun 21, 2005 12:34 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Here's more:

1)"How again does 9 Scott Hatteberg's equal a World Series Title?"
2)"I miss T-Long."
3)"Can Byrnes play the outfield when I pitch?"

Can we get Astropitch to sell "Free Dan Johnson" T-Shirts?

by carp on Jun 20, 2005 6:08 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

"How come

the telecasts don't show more shots of the ballboys?"

Nico

by Nico on Jun 20, 2005 6:12 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

How about:

1)"What kind of bat is Thomas swinging?"
2)"Damn Melhuse is fast."
3)"Did you see that strike Cruz just threw?"
4)"Did Barry just have a 10 pitch inning?"

Can we get Astropitch to sell "Free Dan Johnson" T-Shirts?

by carp on Jun 20, 2005 6:20 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

More...

"Mo Vaughn is a perfect fit, he hasn't struck out in nearly two years!" - BB

"Hey Swish, speak up once in a while!"

"Nah, I'm tired today Skip, let Adam play." - Kendall

"EW! I don't want to dive and get my jersey all dirty!" - Byrnes

"My motto is I'm fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet." - David Wells

by JLaff on Jun 20, 2005 6:25 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Swish

did anyone else hear Jermaine Clarks comment on the Rivercats broadcast the other night?

Tim Roye "The 'cats are giving out Nick Swisher wobblers next weekend"

Clark "oh, did they make it so it talks all the time and you can't get it to shut up?"

by Alien on Jun 20, 2005 6:32 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

LOL

I missed that one. But I did enjoy listening to Jermaine...he was very informative and sounded suprisingly relaxed in the booth.

by sarajune13 on Jun 20, 2005 7:31 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

He's an awesome guy in person!

I WANNA LIKE BASEBALL AGAIN!

by baseballgirl on Jun 20, 2005 8:03 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

"Nice tan, Booby!"

"Don't worry, Croz, you'll find a date one of these days."

"I hate that jerk Marco. What a pretentious douchebag."

"Erubiel Durazo, pickin' machine!"

"Hey Joe, we're worried about you, are you getting enough to eat?"

"If only we had signed Jason to that extension... sigh."

"Remind me again WHY Billy traded T-Long away for Mark Kotsay?"

"Take your time, Danny, take your time!"

by OaktownTribesman on Jun 20, 2005 9:14 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Something never said on the A's...

We don't need more fan support, we've got the Athletics Nation. (Although they should say this.)

Nature's first green is gold...

by prana160 on Jun 20, 2005 9:22 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

More...

"And Harikkala closes down the Yankees in the 9th, 1-2-3."

"My god! Kendall almost hit that one to Mt. Davis!"

"Eh, OBP and SLG isn't all that cool, get me the leading sac bunters!"

"And your starting center fielder tonight... Errrrrubiel Durrrrrazo!"

"Damnit, why does Rincon have all the hotties, and I'm here alone on a Friday night?" - Zito

"You know, with all these cagey old veterans, we really need some young fresh bodies."

"My motto is I'm fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet." - David Wells

by JLaff on Jun 20, 2005 10:17 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

not mecir again

He blew two games against the Angels over the weekend! They must have been delighted to see him pitching for the Marlins.He's still f***ing us!

by KCAs on Jun 20, 2005 11:58 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Macha

"Let's get somebody up in the pen before our pitcher gets into a jam."

Picker of Nits since '63. Or so I thought until I discovered AN. Now I feel like a nitpiker.

by McFood on Jun 21, 2005 8:52 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

"Listen, Billy . . .

I don't care if you are the General Manager and part owner of the team, I am the Field Manager and I make all the decisions having directly to do with the play of the game." -- Gene Macha

by bigfanjohn on Jun 21, 2005 11:16 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

"And there's Gene Macha

getting thrown out of the game again this week by the home plate umpire. He's really going to have to learn to cool it." -- Ray Fosse

by bigfanjohn on Jun 21, 2005 11:21 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Yeah I doubt

"Gene" Macha will ever get thrown out of a game.

LOL

by Alien on Jun 21, 2005 11:22 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Top 10 Things Never Said on AN

"You know, I honestly have no opinion whatsoever regarding Eric Byrnes."
"No, I think I'll refrain from following this link to alleged shirtless photos of Bobby Crosby."
"Why hasn't Blez transcribed that Joe Morgan interview yet?"
"Yes, by all means, I will click on this link to alleged shirtless photos of Bobby Kielty!"
"Boy, do I wish my doctor could put me on whatever oaktoon's taking!"
"I'm going to start my own website to post alleged shirtless photos of A's trainer Larry Davis."
"I love how Nico always attaches those Yngwie Malmsteen WAV files to his posts!"
"<clap-clap-clapclapclap-clapclap-clapclap>T-Long!"
"I dunno, I'm stumped -- what could Billy Beane do by way of personnel moves to attract females to AN?"
"Al Davis is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life."

by monkeyball on Jun 21, 2005 12:58 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

I'm tellin you!!!

Don't knock the shirtless Bobby Kielty!

by Alien on Jun 21, 2005 1:03 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

slippery slope ...

But what about the shirtless Larry Davis?

(And why is it that all MLB trainers are out of shape, anyway?)

by monkeyball on Jun 21, 2005 1:09 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Davis

Yeah, that one I wouldn't look at:)

by Alien on Jun 21, 2005 1:10 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Larry Davis is adorable.

by Jennifer on Jun 21, 2005 1:10 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

You're so easy...

at least, that what's I wrote about you on the bathroom wall at the Coliseum.

So, um, don't be shocked if you start getting a lot of phone calls from the 510 area code.

Picker of Nits since '63. Or so I thought until I discovered AN. Now I feel like a nitpiker.

by McFood on Jun 21, 2005 3:31 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

Another not on AN

"I assume everybody caught Ratto's insightful analysis of the A's organization."

"Look what we did!"

by ArakSOT on Jun 21, 2005 9:01 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

And another

"This is the Diary Police. We just want to praise you for this diary. AN can always use another Byrnes diary!"

by OaktownTribesman on Jun 21, 2005 9:13 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

more that you wouldn't here

"watch for the pitchout, [insert A's player here]"

"stop wasting your at bats, Hatte, take some pitches next time"

"Lineup? Same as always."

"Kendall, we'd like you to finish your career in an A's jersey."

"No one can catch up to Saarloos' heat tonight."

"Welcome to Coors West"

(the opposition gameplanning) "Try to drive the ball to center, they've got an unproven guy out there, let's put him to the test."

"The A's sure are bucking the trend when it comes to the declining presence of African-Americans in MLB."

Don't ask me to buy you a wristwatch Don't ask me to buy you a Sony Car Discman Don't ask me to give you car fare Don't ask me for a cotton picking thing"

by Cutthemullet on Jun 21, 2005 3:13 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

add...

"The spelling of your subject line is impeccable, cutthemullet."

Don't ask me to buy you a wristwatch Don't ask me to buy you a Sony Car Discman Don't ask me to give you car fare Don't ask me for a cotton picking thing"

by Cutthemullet on Jun 21, 2005 3:16 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

a.d.d.?

What were we taling about?

Picker of Nits since '63. Or so I thought until I discovered AN. Now I feel like a nitpiker.

by McFood on Jun 21, 2005 3:33 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

You spelled

"spelling of your"
it should be
"ability to write a complete thought in the"

The next time I slap a guy's ass, can we all just assume it's because I wish I was a baseball player?

by devo on Jun 21, 2005 3:46 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

confused

I can't make any sense of that. I replied to my post in an attempt to be cute about pointing out the misspelling of "hear" in the subject line of the initial post. "add" was meant to be the word add, as in, the opposite of subtract, and not the acronym. My adderall is not prescribed, heh.

Don't ask me to buy you a wristwatch Don't ask me to buy you a Sony Car Discman Don't ask me to give you car fare Don't ask me for a cotton picking thing"

by Cutthemullet on Jun 21, 2005 11:12 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

and finally

by add I meant, add the following to the list of things you wouldn't hear. There, hopefully we're on the same page.

Don't ask me to buy you a wristwatch Don't ask me to buy you a Sony Car Discman Don't ask me to give you car fare Don't ask me for a cotton picking thing"

by Cutthemullet on Jun 21, 2005 11:14 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs