I'm Robert Stack, baby

by Tyler Bleszinski on May 6, 2005 9:01 PM PDT in News

So, the A's squeezed a victory out of a loss tonight. The offense once again failed to help Barry Zito pick up a win.

The A's offense has disappeared and since I've been charged by none other than Billy Beane himself to find it. It's an Unsolved Mystery and I've been following some promising leads thanks to some helpful viewers. These have been phoned in and I will leave no stone unturned until I complete my task of figuring out the mystery.

Here are the top ten theories I'm researching:

The A's offense didn't see the white smoke streaming from the Vatican. So it's still waiting for a decision on the new pope. It's sad and lonely at St. Peter's right now.
The A's offense is off having a scandalous affair with an American Idol judge.
The A's offense set up shop on the sidewalk in a tent with Yoda ears on waiting for Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.
The A's offense is waiting until gas prices go down to make that expensive trip to the ballpark.
The A's offense has been taking its chance at acting. It's currently starring as Corey Feldman in the E! courtroom recreation of the Michael Jackson trial.
The A's offense is anxiously awaiting the season finale of Desperate Housewives. It has a big crush on Bree.
The A's offense is waiting for the announcement of XBox 2 at the upcoming E3 show in Los Angeles. The anticipation of Halo 3 on the new system is too much for the A's offense to bear.
The A's offense can't go on until Barry and Alyssa kiss and make up. Or Brad and Jennifer. Whichever.
The A's offense got cold feet and has decided to stage its own kidnapping.

And the number one lead as to where the A's offense is:

1. The A's offense was waiting for Athletics Nation to top a million visitors to return.

There you have it. I'm Robert Stack for Unsolved Mysteries. Updates coming in future episodes.

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Comments

A win is a win

It was fun to watch the Yankees implode. Just win, baby.

by paradox on May 6, 2005 9:08 PM PDT reply actions

Pleasurable

Alaska-A, Number-one-A's-fan-in-southern-southeast-Alaska.

by ak_A on May 6, 2005 9:12 PM PDT reply actions

Brad and JENNIFER?!

oh.

You mean that other Jennifer.

by Sharon on May 6, 2005 9:20 PM PDT reply actions

NY Press

Someone mentioned in the last thread about waiting for the NY press to weigh in.

It didn't take long:
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/07/sports/baseball/07yanks.html?ex=1273118400&en=1b4e2d6ec62e3e20 &ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

but just an AP story at the NY Post:
http://breakingnews.nypost.com/dynamic/stories/B/BBA_ATHLETICS_YANKEES?SITE=NYNYP&SECTION=SPORTS

by Dan_Honolulu on May 6, 2005 9:20 PM PDT reply actions

lol

They're already writing off the season and bellyaching about how Steinbrenner mis-spent two hundred million dolllars!

"Steinbrenner never made an offer to Beltran, just as he never seriously pursued another free-agent outfielder, Vladimir Guerrero, in 2003, even though Cashman wanted him. Guerrero won the Most Valuable Player award for the Angels last year; the free agent the Yankees signed, Gary Sheffield, was the runner-up."

It's greedy stupid sharks like George who have inflated the market and greatly contributed to our cherished players leaving.

You just can't eternally buy what you want in this life. That reporter should have known better--instead of writing about missed trades he should have been writing about a neglected farm system and inflated salaries that are crushing mid-market teams. Oh well, let them groan about the hundreds of millions more to be spent in futility for years if they refuse to learn.

by paradox on May 6, 2005 9:29 PM PDT up reply actions

Robert Stack's finest role

Is undoubtedly his portrayal of Ultra Magnus in the 1986 blockbuster, "Transformers: The Movie".

I got back home and on my computer in time to watch the A's give up the lead in the 8th and fail to score in the 9th. It was a pleasant surprise to see them come back and win, and how about it all starting with a walk to Scoot? What a great win.

Hope they keep it up tomorrow!

Jonathon

"This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Lets's not bicker and argue about who killed who.... "

by JLeverenz on May 6, 2005 9:33 PM PDT reply actions

wasn't that orson welles' finest role as well?

by xbhaskarx on May 7, 2005 12:47 AM PDT up reply actions

Well

For the one day or two that he did the voice acting before he died it was ;-)

Jonathon

"This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Lets's not bicker and argue about who killed who.... "

by JLeverenz on May 7, 2005 7:45 AM PDT up reply actions

Where the A's Offence has gone...

The Angels secretly went into the A's clubhouse and destroyed the bat rack with the help of the Rally Monkey, then they blew up a nuclear weapon (Eric Bynres Fielding Ability) in the A's Clubhouse, which caused the failsafes to fail, which released the super bacteria (Johnny Damon's Old Gym Socks) from the secret panel behind Jose Canseco's "I did not take sterioids 'wink wink'" poster) which caused a huge plague, the cleaning crew sent to clean it up got infested with the plague, died and rose from the dead 12 hours later to fiest upon the flesh of the few fans that were in the ballpark at the time (IE: Bobby Kielty Bobblehead Day)! The few remaining survivors from all walks of life were able to keep the zombie clubhouse attendant hordes at bay using their witts and an inexplicable understanding of agrocultral science and bunting, and thats when the Meteor hit (a Jason Giambi Home Run from 2001, which went all the way to outer space, through China [literaly] picking up Sars and Small Pox, which fused) which killed all the Zombies and the remaining fans. Then the Mutant SarsPox bacteria faught the Johnny Damon Sock Bacteria in a massive Bacteria on Bacteria battle! The next day, the fans who did not come to the ball park before came to watch the game, the A's players went to the field missing their sacred offence (the Voodoo Statue Miggy Left which was hit by the Giambi Meteor and blew up), and the game continued as usual. The Stadium stayed a wreck, but since it always looked that way, no one noticed (excelt for the small crater in the side of Macha's head where the meteor first hit before bouncing off and hitting the Miggy Statue.), and the SarsPox turned out to not effect anything besides other deadly bacteria.

P.S. In case you were wondering, yes, Macha was the only Zombie to survive (Curses!)

"The Pen is mightier then the Sword, that is why I use a Paintball Gun!"

by Zonis on May 6, 2005 9:38 PM PDT reply actions

Don't blame the offense...

for Zito's no-decision this evening. Place the blame for this squandered "W" on the white-haired man with the spectacles. Macha left Zito in too long, plain and simple.

Fortunately for the A's, Mariano is slipping to mere-human level and Tino Martinez botched that grounder to him with the bases loaded.

Was I the only one holding his breath when I saw that the A's had moved Byrnsie to right field late in the game? If the Yankees had hit one into the right field corner it would have been a certain inside-the-park homer. Fortunately for the A's, the Yanks only hit one to Byrnsie in right, and he very nearly dropped that!

"The bigger the game, the better he pitched."

by Catfish27 on May 6, 2005 9:57 PM PDT reply actions

Or we could just blame Zito ;)

Because Zito should never have walked that lead-off batter! WHAT WAS HE THINKING??

No I think we're all too fixated on pointing fingers, and placing blame. It's a real shame that Zito didn't get that win [grr I needed it for fantasy baseball too] but if Macha had decided to replace Zito by the 8th, then it would have been Rincon going in, and not Dotel. Who knows what may have happened then? One thing leads to another; if the Yankees managed to score 3 in the 8th and held the lead going into the 9th, they most certainly would have won. Honestly, when it comes down to an unstable bullpen member or a SP on a great day, I think I'd take my chances on the SP and not risk that blown game.

"And A-Rod fields a... paper bag." "Isn't that a plastic bag?" "Oh yeah."

by Melody on May 6, 2005 10:08 PM PDT up reply actions

Well, we could blame Zito, but...

if your starting pitcher allows 1 run through 7 innings he's done his job, particuarly considering the way Zito has struggled so far this season.

I say get him out of there and let the A's bullpen do it's job. The A's bullpen has been one of the few bright spots for the team this year.

"The bigger the game, the better he pitched."

by Catfish27 on May 6, 2005 10:54 PM PDT up reply actions

Yup,

if you point fingers at Macha when he pushes all the right buttons (tonight we actually created runs, made the other team throw first-pitches on the corners, inspired the other team to pitchout, and recognized that the save/hold situation was in the 8th), then you'll likely never be pleased.

Managing means playing with a flawed team, making one choice that doesn't work, and one choice that no one will ever know was better than what you could have done--and that's on a good day, when you win.

Nico

by Nico on May 6, 2005 10:17 PM PDT reply actions

I think...

the A's offense is stuck in Vegas waiting for the Kentucky Derby to go off...placing bets on Steinbrenner's horse! He's bound to win something, and it wont be at baseball this year...:P

by ZeroIndulgence on May 6, 2005 11:20 PM PDT reply actions

the best thing

about this win is we got into Rivera for two innings tonight. that may just be significant in the next two games.
AHHHH, anybody look at Kielty's average lately?

by elephantman on May 6, 2005 11:43 PM PDT reply actions

LOL

I just wrote a post about that.

by Tyler Bleszinski on May 6, 2005 11:55 PM PDT up reply actions

Barry and Alyssa

GnGG must be fuming about this comment ... Blez, nice Top 10!!!

by Fongpay on May 7, 2005 12:03 AM PDT reply actions

You BET I'm fuming!!!

Blez, good job with the top ten- until that third one. It should've been "The A's offense can't go on until Barry and GnGG meet and hit it off." Now that's something to look forward to. :)

"The director asks Swisher if he would wave for help if he saw Kotsay out cold... Swisher says 'Naw, I'd probably smack him and try to wake him up.'"

by GreenNGoldGirl on May 7, 2005 8:14 AM PDT up reply actions

Blame Zito?

Who said that? Call your doctor. Right now. You are not well. The man pitched a terrific game. The club simply can't hit with men on base. Did anyone hit the ball out of the infield in the 9th? ...and what was going on in left field? Call off Scooter and then drop the ball? Whoa, these guys are bad at the plate and now they are scaring me on the field. Fundamentals, folks, fundamentals.

by doubleplayer on May 7, 2005 7:47 AM PDT reply actions

if either Chavvy OR Hatty takes their time ...

... on Jeter's smash in the 8th, BZ gets the win and Dotel -- probably -- gets the save

by HerbWashington on May 7, 2005 7:56 AM PDT up reply actions

My favorite!!

"The A's offense is waiting until gas prices go down to make that expensive trip to the ballpark."

I wonder if I can use that excuse in regards to showing up for work???

by saint @ Athletics Nation on May 7, 2005 9:02 AM PDT reply actions

Blaming Macha Absurd

As I posted on another thread, Zito had thrown a few more than 80 pitches going into the 8th. Why should Macha have pulled him? He was pitching brilliantly. True, he walked Flarety on a 3-2 pitch, but then got the next batter out. Jeter, a great clutch hitter, then came through with a single and with Rincon and Dotel warming up, Macha was faced with a decision...

Posada was up and he is far more dangerous from the left side. Hence Dotel, who sometimes has had trouble with lefties, was not in consideration. That left a choice of Zito or Rincon. Who would you rather have face Posada, Zito who still had thrown barely 100 pitches, or the ofttimes vulnerable Rincon?

Sure, Zito gave up a hit, but it clearly was the right decision. Now on another thread, someone noted that in his Cy Young year, Zito rarely finished a game. But that was under the dubious leadership of that Moron Art Howe, who was obsessed with bringing in righties to face righties, regardless of how strong the starter remained. Indeed, any stats garnered under that Idiot Howe should be subject to skepticism...

by reztips on May 7, 2005 9:14 AM PDT reply actions