To The Boston Fans: Your Top 5 Whines

I got into a long conversation the other day with a longstanding Orioles fan.

He thinks you are harmless.

I think that you are even more annoying than the Yanks.

Not that you care, but here's the Top 5 Whines/Reasons why I'm almost ready to root for the Yankees over you...

1) "But we waited so long! We deserved this!"

You waited in the best park in baseball, rarely watched anything less than a .500 team, saw a half-dozen mortal lock Hall of Famers, and never felt unsafe going to the ballpark.

In your off-seasons, you rooted for the Celtics, aka the Yankees of basketball. And in the past few years, you've had your NFL team win.

The Yankee fan goes to a war zone. Their NBA and NFL teams rarely win. They may be like rats in a cocaine experiment with all their rings, but at least they don't redefine whining as we know it when they lose.

2) "Our fans are so knowledgable."

Your fans were high-fiving each other when your team managed to put a few runs across Tim Hari-Kari on Wednesday afternoon. It cut the lead to Less Than Ten, so that the game was no longer in danger of being stopped by the umps for the Little League Mercy Rule.

It was embarassing. But no more so than coming to the yard wearing your Nomar and Pedro gear. You might want to check a program before you get dressed.

3) "We support our team all over the country."

That's only because you've moved away from Boston. So you're smarter that the people you've left behind, but only just.

4) "Our guys are so lovable! The Idiots! They're not like the corporate Yankees!"

No one's like the Yanks; thank the Lord for that. But somehow, I suspect that you'd find that guys like Damon, Ramirez and Wells lose all of their lovability when they change their laundry. The Yanks may be corporate sellouts, but I never saw their pitcher perform a pro wrestling-style crotch-grab after he closed out a series. There's something to be said for that.

5) "But our games with the Yankees are legendary!"

Any number of writers have called the 1950s a Golden Age of baseball, because of the epic battles between the Giants, Dodgers and Yankees.

But a funny thing happens when you look beyond the media spotlight. Attendance over the entire sport declined. Teams had to move to find new markets. And the NFL took its first steps toward being the #1 sport in terms of popularity.

Let me boil this down for you, Boston Fan: THE REST OF THE BASEBALL WORLD DOES NOT CARE. My Orioles friend burns for the Yanks. My Phillies friend has developed quite a distaste for the Marlins. My Cardinals friend loves pounding on the Cubbies. The Giants fans hate on the Dodgers. And so on, and so on.

You're not cute. You're not special. You're Pepsi to the Yankee Coke, K-Mart to their Wal-Mart. And rooting for your team instead of the Yankees is like rooting for the Japanese over the Germans in World War II.

And that's all I've got to say about that.

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