Best AN quotes of May...

Okay, so I know it's early, but I was editing the list today and I seriously can't cut another quote. This diary is full! You guys have been hilarious this month and I wish the poll had included more than 10 choices, because I feel like I left people off! I included a 25 quote runner-up section, and I've laughed for about an hour.

Congratulations to Nico for his quote winning the April diary. Let's get May started!

BEST AN QUOTES OF MAY

Apricot
In response to iceplant's: "I'm an A's fan, born and bred, but my 6 year-old son is becoming more of a Giants fan"

It may not be too late to return him. You did buy the service plan, didn't you?

Nick
after the circus-style Yankees game 1 of the road trip from hell

Have you ever wondered what would happen if Eric Byrnes were cloned and played all 9 positions for both teams in an extra-inning game? Wonder no longer.

Nico
Of course, someone named "bigelephant" is going to defend Stomper, and will conveniently overlook the fact that his VORE (value over replacement elephant) is a paltry 2.7 trunks/hoof.

Athletics Lax
If Billy Beane was as smart as me; I just traded Durazo for Pujols straight up in MVP Baseball 2005 and followed that by trading Byrnes for Guerrero. Sure "easy trades" was on, and salary may be an issue for me down the road, but heck, it's worth a shot. Perhaps Beane should see if those trades would fly with the Cardinals and Angels respectively.

Melody
"He's unavailable."
I'm getting tired of the "available" and "unavailable" terms. It makes the bullpen sound like a dating service. Oh... Justin is unavailable tonight, but you can take Dotel.

kaweahkaweah
In response to HerbWashington's: "The A's don't know how to execute anything with 'sac' in it !!
-sac-fly?
-sac-bunt?
-sac-up !!

sac-ramento? Where Thomas should be playing?

McFood
Good news! They can't retaliate for Manny's beaning against any of our good hitters because we don't have any.

mkt
Prediction...Next batter hits a high drive, deep, looks like it's going 450 feet, but then gets caught in a swarm of Malaysian bees, flown back to the infield, and dropped into Jeter's glove for the third out.

floyd
Reply to OaklandSi's comment: " And to add insult to injury, mlb.com's kfrc audio feed was very choppy, and the spanish-language feed wasn't offered"

What, you want us to suck ...in more than one language?

Nebraska
after A's beat up on the RedSox
Lately I've been avoiding Baseball Tonight, but I can't wait to see what they say...
Kruk - "you see, this is what's wrong with the A's, they're scoring too many runs now, and I like bacon"
Harold - "You're right, but if they would have stolen some bases instead of trying to walk every at bat, they might have been able to distract the pitcher and... uhhh... BUY MY BASEBALL VIDEOS NOW! H.R. COMMANDS YOU!"
Gammons - sobbing while covering his eyes with a Boston cap.
Karl Ravech - "stay tuned for month 5 of the NBA playoffs"

RUNNERS UP

oaktoon
David Wells, slump buster (I think this should be our next sticker)

Sharon
Macha needs a hug.

A's announcing team
I'm sorry, but every time I see "LAA", I'm wondering what time my flight leaves.

Herb Washington
I leave to walk my dogs and the A's take the lead. Maybe I should go on a walk through late October?

West Bay A's Fan
So........ when do the clowns come?   I cannot wait till tigers start doing tricks on the field

oaktoon
Of course no one thought Tejada's heir apparent would be a one-man disabled list, knocking other players and himself out of the lineup wherever he roams

VacaAsFan
Athletics Nation: Your home for .... wait, what's home??!!

baseballgirl
Reply to: "Hey, at least Ruby didn't GIDP"

And THAT'S your A's replay!

Nebraska
byrnes tries his best to pop out... but it somehow lands in front of trot nixon...

Satchmo22
Reply to the following conversation:
-"Where is the A's game televised?"
-"Try channel 77 (FSN+)"
-"Tried that...it's a home shopping network."

See if they have any hitters on there would ya?

batgirl
after the A's clubbing of the RedSox
Mom...I found this team out at the coliseum today.  Can we keep them, PLEEEEEAAAAASSSEEEE!  I promise I'll feed and walk them everyday.  PLEEEEEAAAASSSEEE!!!!

theblackpearl
Double digits! AND IT IS NOT LOB

jeepers
Hey God! Do you think you could coordinate a torrential downpour in the top of the 6th? Thanks!

salb918
Chavvy rubs his eyes. Uncle Macha, Aunt Ronnie...I had the most awful dream.  I wasn't hitting at all!  And Kendall, you were there, and Byrnes, you were there!  Oh, there's no place like home!

JJ
In response to dboysick's: Come on Fat Ruby! How much weight between him and wells?

I wouldn't want to follow them in a buffet!

Nebraska
Anyone else notice that Vlad's teeth seem to be rooting for the A's? Very yellow and some green...

kent1
In response to JSCHWAN's: "Kotsay is 2 for 27 leading off the game...? Why don't we slide him down...?"

If we slid down everybody who's struggling, we'd have guys batting 18th!

franks a lot
LOBby the mascot... is beating down Stomper for his job as of late

Nico
Right now, I'd be afraid to bet on the A's to win an intrasquad game.

Json433
Transcript of Closed Door Meeting on May 3

http://www.athleticsnation.com/story/2005/5/4/9927/01938

TheO4Ever
on Ohad and cirquegirl14's budding romance
-how old are you?
-14
-do you have AIM? I'm 14 also
-uh oh...14 yr old internet romance a brewin'

10 years from now...AN wedding day at E*TRADE Field @ Jack London

Nico
The best cure for the hiccups is a sudden scare. Try opening the sports section quickly and looking at the A's stats with runners in scoring position.

seedspeed
In response to the following:
-" I say we need to throw at some batters. Nothing builds team unity and gets the adrenaline going like a good fight."
-"But if we lost the fight...we'd just be more demoralized."
-"True...it'd be terrible if our guys went to throw PUNCHES and whiffed."

Or! They actually MAKE contact, and only manage to foul the other team's guys off into the stands.

Update [2005-5-19 19:50:21 by baseballgirl]: Oh for heaven's sake. Here's one added for devo

"I especially liked how at the top ... there was me!!!! Then, lower down, there was me again!!! I like it when people say good things about me. Nico and OaktownTribesman are just showoffs, though. Do they really have to pump up their egos by having so many instances of themselves up there ... but what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, me! I sure was funny in those two quotes of mine you listed. Not only that, they were poignent, timely, and contributed stunningly to the discussions at hand. Honestly, though, haven't you all missed ... ME! I'm back in town, after 10 days on the road, 6 trips to 5 parks in 4 cities for 5 games. It was great! Hopefully tonight I'll be able to write up a nice diary about my trip and post some of the spectacular pitcures, taken by none other than ME! Me me me, me me me me me."