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Transcript of Beane-Macha Meeting

KM:  How come you didn't call me when we were getting our asses kicked back East?

BB:  Well, on Saturday I was at the hair salon.  Sunday I was getting my portrait done by Tabitha Soren...her husband made me famous you know.  On Monday I was at a killer show at the Fillmore.  I was going to call you on Tuesday but Wolff told everybody to keep their peak minutes down.  I was in Salt Lake City on Wednesday speaking at a Tony Robbins seminar.  We went 1 and 5?

KM:  Yes, but it should have been 0 and 6.

BB:  Did our third baseman get a hit on the trip?

KM:  He got two singles!!

BB:  See, I told you to keep him in the three hole and he would bust out.

KM:  Hey, when you were at the Fillmore I got ejected just like you asked.  It was kind of difficult though...I tried to find some dirt to kick but they apparently served it to Millar and Nixon for lunch.

BB:  Odd.  How did the bullpen hold up?

KM:  Not so well.  Our closer served up back to back game-winning homers after walking the tying run.

BB:  Don't sweat it...small sample size.  He wasn't tipping his pitches was he?

KM:  Um, no...he only has one pitch.

BB:  Did Thomas or Clark play?

KM:  No, it was my understanding that they were only on the team to appease Monte Poole.

BB:  What about our catcher, how did he do?

KM:  Not so well.  I'm sure he'll come around though.  Great acquisition boss...although he is scuffling at the plate, he seems to be working wonders with the staff, especially Haren and Cruz.

BB:  How was the flight back?

KM:  Pretty quiet without Swisher. We have to face these two teams again for the next six games.  Can we do any better?

BB:  Oh definitely - if you start Ginter tonight.

KM:  Great idea...he has some pop!

KM:  Any other changes?

BB:  Yes, I'm giving Brad Fischer a roll of quarters before every game so if the kids make it to first base they can play more video games.

KM:  Brilliant!

BB:  Thanks Kenny.  Who is the best GM in the game?

KM:  It's a 3 way tie between Kenny Williams, Paul DePodesta and Jim Beattie.

BB:  Aww come on Kenny, who is the best looking GM in the game?

KM:  Theo Epstein

BB:  Watch it before I bring up your career stats.

KM:  My career OPS was .653, what was yours?

BB:  Umm, .542

KM:  Any call-ups?

BB:  Only if someone gets hurt.

KM:  Why would you say something like that on Friday the 13th?

BB:  I only believe luck is a factor if you put the ball in play.

KM:  What if we get swept again?

BB:  As long as we turn 200,000 folks through the gates this homestand I'm okay with it.

KM:  Huh?!

BB:  I'm part owner now too.

KM:  Oh, I forgot.  Did Sandy get that kind of deal with the Padres?

BB:  One more comment like that and I can have you folding t-shirts at the Bay Street Emeryville Gap.

KM:  Cool - they have a PF Chang's there...I can snag some chopsticks for the guys to swing in the on-deck circle.

BB:  Brilliant!

KM:  Okay, so no roster shuffling?

BB:  Naw, it's too early!

KM:  Um, yeah.  Are you sticking around for the game?

BB:  Nope, Sabes is taking me shopping at Patrick James tonight.

KM:  But you're a shorts and flip-flops guy.

BB:  I know, but Paramount is coming to buy the movie rights this weekend so I have to be presentable.

KM:  Congratulations!  Good luck with that.

BB:   Thanks...good luck with Mussina, Brown and Johnson.  See ya around.

0 recs  |  Comment 14 comments

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^5
Who leaked the transcript to you?
"The sun was bad, but was it any worse than it's been the last 10,000 years? I'm gonna say no." -- Eric Byrnes

by FoolshGame22 on May 14, 2005 2:13 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Laugh all the way to the bank!
You need to become a comedy writer, because the timing on this piece was so perfect that I could almost hear them spoken out loud. My favorite line is the one about the quarters for video games, but I also love the quip about Theo Epstien. Great job, I think we all could use a laugh!

by Melody on May 14, 2005 2:27 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

wasn't really funny
it was just a knock on everyone.
My last signature was bad luck, since the A's have sucked so far. I needed to shake things up. Flagggablaggaggabagg (try and say this fast)

by ohad on May 14, 2005 2:50 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Some day when
you make it to 30, you're gonna look back and say,

"Man, I should have really learned to LIGHTEN THE  F UP!!!!!"

VacaAsFan

by Vacafan on May 14, 2005 5:27 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

"lighten up"
I have no problem with him doing it, i just didn't think it was that funny. There were some parts that made me snicker though.
Notice how now the pitching is faltering, not the offense.

by ohad on May 14, 2005 7:07 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

that should be somethign
said to the rest of the site if you will sya it to me.
Notice how now the pitching is faltering, not the offense.

by ohad on May 14, 2005 9:22 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

agreed.
sometimes people need to just let a thread they don't like die off without the girly nitpicking.

Not to single you out in particular ohad, I just happened to run across yours and made a comment.

by jayho on May 14, 2005 9:38 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

ok, i understand.
Notice how now the pitching is faltering, not the offense.

by ohad on May 14, 2005 9:40 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

brilliant...
let's hope it wasn't too close to the truth.

by OaklandSi on May 14, 2005 6:42 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Holy Crap!!!
I laughed my butt off.  I printed this off and am tacking it to my wall for future humor when I'm having a rough day.  Incredible.  At this point you have to be able to laugh about it.  Very good!

by MrHustle15 on May 14, 2005 7:11 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

shit = funny
Nice one.
the mind is a terrible thing to taste.

by easyrichboy on May 14, 2005 2:46 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

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